The Journey

Chapter 6

Will A. Sanborn

9/15 - 9/18/94

Slowly coming awake, as consciousness seeps back into me, several things become apparent. First, trying to move, even the slightest amount, rewards me with dull pain echoing throughout my sore body. Then as memory returns, the warm form of Marissa sleeping next to me sneaks into my awareness. Turning slowly onto my side, ignoring for the moment the dull ache radiating through my abdomen, I look at her, being careful not to wake her. As the full realization of what has happened floods in on me, wave after wave of desperate thoughts break over me.

For the moment she's sleeping peacefully, her muzzle a mask of pure contentment. Her breath is soft and unlabored, as she lies there in blissful slumber, as if she's completely forgotten the horrible events of the past night; 'I wish I could be so lucky...'

Easing myself back onto my back, then slowly moving up to a sitting position, being careful to pamper my battered body, as it cries out in painful protest at being moved at all. Making a cursory examination, it seems as if my injuries are nothing of the serious sort. 'True, I did get a beating from those damn cats, but at least I managed to give that fucking tiger what he had coming to him.' Looking myself over, it seems that besides a good deal of bruises, tired muscles, and a few cuts, I'm not too bad off, even if it does hurt like a bastard.

Looking down at my chest, there lies the worst of my wounds, the results of the tiger's swipe, which could have ripped me to shreds. Luckily my quick reflexes had been enough to get out of the way, mostly. His sharp claws had managed to connect with my tender flesh, and the four red and ragged trenches they left had been deep enough to bleed freely. My quick-and-dirty healing spell had been enough to stop the bleeding, and somewhat knit the flesh together, but even so, the wounds still have a good deal of healing to go, and they look quite nasty. 'Shit, that's probably gonna leave a nasty scar,' I think wryly looking down at the wound which runs across my entire chest.

Touching it lightly, the torn skin reacts with another cry of pain. Trying to call forth the healing magic within me, I struggle in vain for a couple of minutes. It's no use, my mind's totally shot, as well as my strength. I should be able to get out of bed without too much problem, and even walk downstairs, but anything after that is pretty dubious. Also, there is another new feeling of fatigue about me, one that is associated with the magic powers flowing through me. As with physical exertion, there seems to be only so much of the power I can use, without over-extending myself.

Sighing slightly to myself, 'I guess I'll have to wait awhile on that... oh well, at least it's not bleeding any more. Maybe I can have Marissa attend to it later... that is if she's still talking to me... or not something even worse than that.' Then looking down at her, it's no longer possible to hide from the thoughts I'd been trying to escape.

She's still sleeping soundly, breathing slowly, with her body in a state of complete relaxation and bliss. The sheets are pulled down slightly, exposing her shoulder, the gentle curves of her back, and her arm which partially covers her supple breasts. Looking down at her, I admire the black rosettes of her spots against the snow-white beauty of her fur. Awash with mixed emotions, looking down at her soft furry body, peacefully laid before me, wishing to reach out and gently stroke her muzzle, but I hold back against these urges, as the true realization of what's happened continues to batter my tired brain. There's no way in hell that I want her waking up right now.

'How the hell could I have done that? I should have known better than that...' Cradling my head in my arms, ignoring the pain caused by the movement, trying to blot out the knowledge of the whole incident, I close my eyes and try and sort through this whole mess.

'Dammit, how could I be so thoughtless? I tried to be a nice guy for what it's worth, but I couldn't hold out against temptation... Yeah, right... couldn't stop thinking with your dick, that's what I mean... I was supposed to help her, but in the end I wasn't any better than the tiger and his buddies...' Feeling my face heat up, as my eyes begin to glisten, I continue to beat myself up, arguing feebly. 'But she seemed to want it...' adding cold logic, hoping to sway my own version of Jiminy Cricket from his incessant badgering.

'Yeah, maybe she did... but look at the state she was in... can I really say I didn't take advantage of her? I should have been consoling her, instead of hopping in the sack and going a few rounds with her.' Then my thoughts abruptly switch direction, as I'm appalled at the prospect they suggest. 'What if she really did want it? She did a damn good job of convincing me, my resistance wasn't all that strong, but she did have to wear me down some...'

'She also seemed to be enjoying that big cat's attentions last night, in front of everyone, and especially me... Fuck, in fact after all her talk of mating only when she was good and ready, she jumps in the sack with the first guy who comes along... make that guys who came along. And why in the hell did she suddenly go and get the hots for them anyway?'

'Must have been all that testosterone they were throwing around... I guess she couldn't resist that big furry hunk,' and as my thoughts become more angry and hurt, 'or his friends for that matter.' Feeling my pulse rising, I look down at her in a new light, feeling my face form ever so slightly into a snarl. 'Then, once I proved my strength for her, she finally decided that I wasn't so bad after all, at least good enough to finish the job...'

As the anger slowly builds within me, feeling somewhat hurt and in an ironic way, almost used. I realize that I'm not thinking rationally here, and I need to get out fast. Then another thought dashes forward from the back of my mind, giving me further reason for leaving as quick as possible. 'How long had they been going at it anyway? All night? And all three of them?' Realizing how "well-used" I'd gotten her, sends a quick shiver down my back, although even amongst the revulsion, in a dim corner of my consciousness, part of me feels remorse for thinking about her this way.

However, the idea of three rather large and virile felenzi males fully exercising her, only hours before, and in this very bed, clouds out all other thoughts, as my stomach becomes a bit queasy. Forced by an evil demon in my mind, I wonder just how messy the bed is, but not wishing to find out, I suddenly feel rather gross and want to get out of here as fast as I can.

Not wishing to wake her up, needing to postpone the inevitable morning-after conversation, I slowly ease myself out of the bed, turning away so I don't need to look at her, feeling a melange of hurtful emotions. My body silently protests yet again, with dull waves of pain, each muscle aching, joining in on the chorus. I force myself onward though, the pain is bearable, mostly just the aftermath of over-exertion, and although it slows me down some, it's manageable. The wounds hurt a little more, but luckily they're on my upper body, so walking doesn't really affect them.

Getting out of bed as quickly as I dare, placing my feet softly on the floor, and then slowly and tentatively getting up, ignoring the pain as best I can, I finally reach a standing position on slightly wobbly legs. Standing there naked, feeling alone and ashamed, angry and repulsed, I also feel extremely vulnerable. 'If those cats decided to come back for their revenge, there'd be nothing I could do against them...'

Luckily I doubt that the tiger will be doing anything for quite some time though, not with his busted arm. Thinking of that gives me a small delight, as I grin evily remembering the look on his face as I got the better of him, but even that makes me feel a little guilty. Trying to shrug it off, I realize that with the tiger out of the picture, his buddies probably won't try anything, not with the show I put on for them. Also, nobody else in this poor excuse for a town should bother me. 'In fact, I bet I have quite a reputation around here now. As long as I don't let on just how tired I am, everyone should leave me alone.'

Then looking at Marissa one last time, conflicting emotions continue to shake me. 'What the hell am I gonna say to her? Damn, I wish I'd handled this better...' Shuddering yet again, still feeling vulnerable, and scared that she could wake up any minute, and I'd either have to deal with the situation, or run away like a frightened animal, I'm reminded yet again of my dire need to exit unnoticed.

Quickly throwing on my shorts, then picking up my shirt, or more precisely the remains of it, I disgustedly look at its tattered shreds. Tossing it to the floor where it had been, then walking over to my shoes, I glance up at Marissa for signs of waking. She stirs ever so slightly, as my heart pounds in my ears, but thankfully doesn't open her eyes. Letting out a bated breath as she returns to her peaceful slumber, I quietly pick up my shoes, taking them in hand and slowly padding to the door, all the time watching her and holding my breath.

She makes no further signs of consciousness, and after slowly opening the door and stepping through and shutting it, I'm finally alone in the hall. Letting my pulse return to fairly normal, my somewhat-irrational fear subsides. Noticing the light from the window at the end of the hall, and the way it angles in, it appears to be fairly late in the morning, perhaps almost even noon. Shuffling with sore muscles back to my room, I enter it, locking the door behind me, and let out another sigh of relief.

But even the sanctuary of this empty room doesn't do all that much for my current state of mind. Feeling like total shit, both mentally and physically, the urge to get clean overwhelms me. 'Man would a hot bath be good right now.' Unfortunately, that isn't an option right now, for as I open the bathroom and stumble inside, I'm heartbroken to find the same water in the tub as from my bath last night.

Still, I really do need to get clean, and no matter how unpleasant a cold bath in dirty water is, at least it's all my dirt. Removing my shorts and grimacing slightly, I step into the tub, and force myself to sit in the cold water, as small shivers run through me. Working quickly and efficiently, getting it over as soon as possible, the bath only takes a couple of minutes, but that's enough. It's not the best job, but it does help me to feel a little better. Not as if that's much help though, as the turmoil overwhelms me. 'And I thought I was bad off last night...' wryly smiling to myself.

Then as I'm standing there, I'm suddenly aware of my intense hunger. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, seeing as our dinner was rudely interrupted last night. It's amazing how I was able to perform like I did on an empty stomach and all, and the hunger hits me hard, adding to my general feeling of weakness. My laundry still hasn't been returned, so I'm forced to don my shorts once again. Wearing only those and my shoes, I feel a little nervous about going downstairs, but with all I've been through, I really can't get all that worked up over it. Walking slowly down the stairs, trying my best to disguise just how stiff my muscles are, I walk into the main room and once again upset the innkeeper.

Turning to look at me, his face quickly registers surprise and a little fear, as his ears perk up and his eyes widen slightly. Perhaps not wearing a shirt has worked to my advantage, since he can plainly see the long wounds left by the tiger's claws; having survived that, I also managed to come out on top. If he had any doubts about my fighting prowess before, they must surely have been forced from him now. Stammering a bit, he asks "is there something I can do for you sir?"

"Yes," I reply, trying my best not to sound near as bad as I feel. "I need food... as soon as possible..." Then smiling at him a little devilishly, I add, "in fact, you still owe us a meal, since we missed dinner last night."

He looks as if he's about to argue that fact with me, but finally decides better of it. Trying his best to look unthreatening, he replies "very well sir, I can warm something up for you... is there anything in particular you'd like?"

"No," I answer, my voice softening a bit, "as long as it's fast and warm, that'll be good enough... and a good amount of it too."

He nods in acquiescence, and before he scurries of toward the kitchen, I flash him a slight appreciative smile, which seems to make him a little more at ease. Sitting down at the nearest table, and surveying the room, it seems as if all of the damage from last night has been taken care of. It looks as if two or three of the tables are missing, and the back of the room seems kind of empty. Amidst my own personal turmoil, I feel a little pang of sadness for the little cat. 'Too bad it had to go down in his bar... I can't imagine that he makes too much money here as it is... Then again, he didn't lift a finger to help us... in fact nobody did..."

Sitting there grumbling to myself, trying to work through things, waiting for the food to arrive seems to take much longer than it actually does. Nervously glancing at my watch several times, trying to divert my attention, it reads 12:37 AM, which of course is totally useless with their long days are here. 'I don't even know why I still wear it... force of habit I guess.'

After about ten minutes, the little ocelot returns with two plates full of steaming meat and vegetables. Setting them down in front of me, he looks at me timidly for approval. "Thanks," I state rather dryly. "This will be good... now, there's still the matter of our laundry. I'd like to have it returned before I'm done here... You can leave it up in my room. If she's not awake, don't disturb her, just leave her clothes outside of the door." He nods and is about to turn away, when I loosely grab his hand. He jumps slightly, but then relaxes, seeing my non-threatening pose. "One more thing... could you please change the water for my bath?" He nods, and after releasing his hand, he darts off once again to keep this dangerous alien happy.

The food is wonderful. It's much better than the simple meals we'd been eating out on the road. The meat is the same as our dried rations, but cooked fresh like this it's wonderful, especially given my exhausted and hungry state. Some of the vegetables are new to me, but they are pleasantly surprising, and before long I've wolfed my way through one plate and have started on another, going a little slower now that my hunger has been abated somewhat.

The simple pleasure of the meal does wonders for me, and I'm starting to feel a little better, for the moment forgetting about the situation at hand, and concentrating on what seems like the best meal I've had in ages. Then of course, something would have to happen to spoil this near-perfect moment for me. Right after I've started in on the second heaping plate, I hear a quiet shuffling behind me, and quickly turning my head, see it's Marissa slowly padding her way down the stairs, looking very worn out and non-emotional.

She's dressed in her clothes from the pervious evenings adventures, with her shirt tucked haphazardly into her breeches. Most of the buttons were torn out last night by the tiger's sharp claws, with his intrusions which she didn't seem to mind very much at all, in fact just the opposite. Therefore, her shirt is only buttoned in a couple places, and loosely at that, as the buttons are hanging by their threads. Her shirt parts in a few places, rewarding me with glimpses of her furry belly and cleavage. However the sight is lost upon me, not being in any type of mindset to appreciate it.

She's not wearing her boots, instead she pads along in her bare feet, showing the black markings of her fur there, coming up slightly along her calves. As she slowly walks down the stairs, her tail twitches lightly, but as with the rest of her, it just doesn't seem to be all that energetic this late morning. Her fur and hair are still somewhat messed up, and she wears a mask of tired disinterest. However, upon seeing me sitting here, her expression brightens visibly as she picks up her pace to join me.

I wish I could say that I'm as happy to see her. 'Damn, this isn't gonna be easy... what the hell do I say?' Watching her quickly cross the distance to sit down in front of me, I try and keep my face as stoic as possible, as my anguish returns. Sitting down and smiling at me warmly, she gives me a "Good morning Ben," sounding rather cheerful, although still a little tired.

"Uh.. good morning Marissa," I half stammer. Racking my brain for something to say, I finally add "are you okay?"

Smiling at me again, she replies "yes Ben... of course I am... but what about you? You took quite a beating from them, and look at that wound on your chest. You need some healing quickly."

She reaches out to touch me, but I quickly draw back, my control vanishing and my demeanor quickly changing. "No." I state a bit harshly. "It's okay for now... leave it alone."

She takes my reaction with surprise, her face registering bewilderment and hurt. "Ben" she asks quietly, withdrawing her hand, "are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes... I'm just tired," lying through my teeth, but at least regaining enough control to take the edge of my voice. Staring at her, as she looks back at me, confused and a little wounded, her eyes piercing me with her concerned gaze, I hesitate, trying to figure out how to handle this. Finally taking the easy way out, I simply say "Look... I need some more rest, and you're probably pretty hungry... The innkeeper should be back soon, and he'll be more than eager to help you."

Pushing my mostly-full plate over toward her, I quickly stand and back away from the table, momentarily still locked in her gaze. She finally mutters "thank you" in a tired voice, and drops her gaze to the food in front of her, and then begins eating. Released from her stare, I quickly turn and retreat back up the stairs, inwardly cursing myself.

Coming back to my room, I notice with some satisfaction that my laundry has been returned, clean and neatly folded on the table, but I'm overwhelmed with other concerns at the moment to really care too much. Kicking off my shoes, and turning with a sigh to my still-pristine bed, I quickly throw back the covers and fall into it, its soft warmth giving me much-needed sanctuary. 'Gee I really handled that well didn't I?' My verbal response to this is a tired "oh bite me," as I quickly and thankfully fall into the total oblivion of deep sleep.

* * *

Coming once again slowly out of the void, slowly opening my eyes, I glance around the room, wondering what it was that pulled me out of the safety of sleep. Physically I feel much better, my body still aches, as I move slightly, but at least most of the tiredness has left me. Glancing at my watch out of habit, it reads 5:42, so I've certainly gotten a decent nap in. Looking out the window, the sun is low in the clear sky, but it's still a few of hours until nightfall.

Then comes a knock at the door, light and hesitant, repeating the intrusion that must have woken me. 'Damn, I don't need this now...' as I ponder the possibility of ignoring its quiet insistence. Still, I can't avoid this forever. "Oh hell, might as well get it over with," muttering under my breath as I slowly pull the covers off, raise my aching body to the floor and slowly walk to the door.

Before reaching it, the knocks come again, this time a little louder, and a little more urgent or desperate. Hesitating briefly, then undoing the flimsy lock which of course I know is pretty useless, I open the door to find Marissa standing there, just as I'd dreaded.

She's much more presentable than she was this morning though, having changed into new clothes and donned her boots yet again. Also, she looks as if she's taken a bath, or at least taken some time with a brush, since her fur is once again at its normal immaculate state, with her hair flowing in smooth, light waves, all its tangles carefully brushed out. She looks as if she's had some more sleep too, as her face is more animated than when I last saw her. Had this been under different circumstances, I would have been very glad to see her, but now all my thoughts turn to dread and how to get through this as soon as possible.

Her eyes are no longer dulled by tiredness, and she regards me with a mixture of concern, anxiety, adoration and hurt. Hesitating, as I stare back at her, my stomach turning into knots, she finally breaks the silence. "Ben, I let you sleep because you needed it, and I got some more rest myself... But now I need to attend to your wounds. If I don't heal them soon, they could get a lot worse."

Her voice is soft and sincere, but it doesn't put me at ease, instead driving an icy pick of guilt deep into me for everything that's happened, and the way I've been feeling about her. Sighing with quiet resignation, I mumble a tired "okay," and step back, letting her enter the room.

Looking at me, still with a small amount of uncertainty, she loosely takes my hand and leads me back to the bed and guides me down to a sitting position on it, my back resting against the headboard, propped up on a pillow. Feeling numb and confused as she sits down next to me, her legs hanging over the side, her feet coming to rest gently on the floor, I watch her for what will happen next.

Reaching out gently to touch the wounds on my chest, causing me to jump slightly, she softly states "I'm sorry Ben, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just needed to check the wound out." Then looking into my eyes, she continues, "thank you for fighting for me..."

Staring dumbly back at her, hesitating for several moments, I don't know how to answer this. Finally replying, my voice unsteady, "uh, you're welcome... but I don't feel like I deserve it..."

Smiling warmly at me, she half-chuckles half-purrs, "of course you do... now hold still, I don't want to hurt you again." Then lightly pressing her black-furred fingertips against the skin of my chest, I slowly feel her healing power washing over me. The four lacerations on my chest warm up, and as I watch, the flesh knits itself together. In about a minute, the wound has completely vanished, but she keeps her power flowing through me, as it spreads throughout my entire body, massaging my worn muscles, and easing their tired pain.

When the magic finally ebbs, I'm amazed at how good I feel, just about all the traces from the fight have dissipated. Lightly flexing my muscles, enjoying the sudden reprieve from their aches, I look back at her, giving her a slight appreciative smile. For the moment I have forgotten about all the turmoil brewing inside of me, and feel only gratitude and tranquillity.

This doesn't last for long however, as she returns my warm smile, and reaches down to take one of my hands in hers. Then slowly bringing it to her soft muzzle, she begins to purr once again and slowly starts licking my fingers. Taking me by surprise, I'm frozen for several seconds, trying to react. Then finally in a desperate attempt to stop this, I pull away from her, withdrawing my hand somewhat roughly from her grip. As she jerks her head up, looking at me with puzzlement, I stammer "no, we can't do this..."

Regarding me with wounded and confused eyes, she stares at me, making me wish I could simply hide under the covers, cowering from her gaze. "Ben?" she finally asks, in a single bewildered syllable. Then after a moment's consideration, she reaches out to softly caress my cheek.

"No," I blurt out, not thinking clearly, just reacting, as I push away her hand. "It's wrong... we can't do that again..." My voice is harsher than I'd meant it to be, as I'm trembling inside, all these emotions welling up within me.

Her composure cracks, as she pulls away, watching me, confused, begging me with her eyes for an explanation. Unable to give her one though, unable to say anything more, I simply look numbly back at her, feeling my pulse quicken yet again. Half expecting her to react with anger, which I surely deserve, and bringing her claws to bear on me, I'm surprised when she finally breaks free, quickly standing and dashing out of the room; leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"Oh fuck..." muttering to myself, staring blankly at the opposite wall, feeling like a total jerk, lower than I'd ever thought possible. Sitting there, stewing in my turmoil, for several minutes, I finally rouse myself, forcing me out of bed, slowly walking to the half-closed door, and hesitantly shuffling into the hall.

She's standing down at the end of the hall, her back to me, looking out the window, her hands leaning against the sill, supporting her as she trembles ever so lightly. Slowly approaching her, unsure, but realizing I need to amend the situation, or at least make a decent attempt at, I try and quell all the emotions raging inside of me. Coming up behind her, she makes no attempt to turn around, ignoring me as I feel my face heating up slightly.

Reaching out tentatively, I lightly touching her shoulder, worried about sending mixed signals, but needing to resolve this. She turns around slowly, her eyes glistening slightly, still trembling, but from anger or hurt? I really can't tell. She keeps her gaze lowered slightly, not making direct eye contact with me. Removing my hand from her shoulder, slowly speaking, my voice cracking lightly, "I'm sorry Marissa... I didn't handle that well..."

She lifts her eyes briefly, looking into mine, as if searching for my true feelings. She doesn't reply, so I finally add, "I think we need to talk..." She silently nods, and turns with me, following me back to the room. Entering it once again, I move to the bed, sitting cross-legged on it, in the furthest corner, hoping to keep our physical distances separated by as much as possible. She shuts the door behind us, then sitting at the foot of the bed, she looks at me dully, as if waiting for me to get things started.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, feeling my emotions sneaking back into my consciousness, and feeling so unsure and vulnerable, I finally initiate this uncomfortable conversation. Dropping my eyes from her troubled gaze, I softly state "I'm sorry Marissa... I haven't been a very good friend today..."

"What do you mean Ben?" her voice confused and unsure?

'Damn, does she really need me to spell it out for her, doesn't she know I feel bad enough as it is? Okay... I can get through this.' Hesitating briefly, I finally continue. "I'm sorry for taking advantage of you this morning... I wasn't thinking clearly, and I acted extremely wrong... I've never done that before, and please believe me when I say how bad I feel about it." As I'm finishing up, my face continues to grow warmer, as my voice cracks and I feel my eyes begin to sting.

Glancing up at her, she looks bewildered and concerned, "what do you mean you took advantage of me?"

Taken back at this reply, floored by her question, I'm momentarily at a loss for words. 'Why is she doing this to me? Is she trying to make it harder for me?' Letting several moments pass, looking back at her, confused and upset, I then continue. "You know what I mean... I... uh... took advantage of you just like those three felenzi did... I was supposed to help you, but instead I was just as bad as they were... I mean how could I have done that to you, after they had just got done raping you..." Feeling tears of rage and condemnation beginning to form, I choke out "I'm sorry..."

Her question is simple, yet with a confused and worried tone of voice, "what does 'rape' mean?"

Stammering in surprise, "you know... uh... mating with you... against your will... and I'm just as bad as them... I should have known you weren't thinking clearly and had more resistance..."

Feeling like a total cad, dropping my gaze further from her, I struggle to keep myself in check, as emotions tear at me from all sides. There's a slight movement, and looking back up at her, she is crawling slowly toward me, as my pulse rages again out of control. Looking at her, vulnerable and unsure, she reaches out her hand and softly places it on my shoulder, in a reassuring grip. Confused, but somewhat comforted, I allow this advance to go unchecked and simply gaze at her through watery eyes.

"It wasn't against my will... I was stupid. I could have stopped it."

"No Marissa, you shouldn't feel that way... it wasn't your fault, it was there's... and... also mine..."

"Ben, you don't understand... I really wanted to... It was an enjoyable evening... as was this morning, with you..."

Feeling my composure changing almost instantly, those other, darker, emotions take over, springing forward from the dark corners of my mind. "Dammit Marissa, you're not making this easy on me," I state rather loudly, pushing her hand away from me yet again and scooting backwards, pressing against the backboard, trying to get as far away from her as possible. "I was trying to be understanding," my voice getting a little harsher, "I was trying to apologize. I didn't want to believe you actually wanted it..."

"After turning me down all week, stating how high and mighty your resolve was, not to mate until you were good and ready, then what do you do but hop in the sack with the first cats that came sniffing around... And you didn't even care about how I'd feel about it... in fact you completely forgot about me until I showed up, thinking foolishly I was saving you... Then once you saw me in action you suddenly decided that I was good enough for a quick roll in the hay..."

Realizing just how much I've dumped on her as my anger raged unchecked, I try and get back in control, stopping my bitter ranting at her. However, it's too late, as her face reflects utter hurt and she quickly turns away from me. Within moments, she's trembling yet again, as small sobs emanate from deep within her, having slight feline hisses to them.

Watching her turned away from me, I'm again slammed with guilt and shame, looking on, unable to do anything to comfort her; I've done enough as it is. Her crying lasts for a few minutes, then as her sobs slowly ebb, she turns to me, wiping her eyes with her hands, looking at me with a wounded stare, as I gaze back through watery eyes of my own.

"No Ben, you don't understand," her voice broken by the remnants of her crying. "I think I know where you're coming from... but it still hurt..."

"I'm sorry Marissa," with a rather sheepish tone in my voice, and an even more-so expression on my face, trying to hold back my own guilty tears. "That was uncalled for... I'm acting like a total jerk..."

Her face brightening a little, she responds, gaining her composure slowly. "I know Ben, this must be hard for you... let me try and explain. I wasn't interested at first, and as you saw I was intent on making them well aware of that... I got careless though, and that was my problem. I should have just used a big spell on them and taken care of them right away... Instead I was just having some fun with them, and that was foolish. I could have gotten you severely hurt, and it gave the tiger the chance he needed..."

Feeling still just about on the verge of tears, looking back at her as she slowly tells me this, all I can do is stare dumbly back at her. Her tears are drying on her face, but she still has that wounded look about her, driving the spike of guilt further into me. She hesitates slightly, looking at me, drawing me, somewhat unwillingly, into the depths of her eyes. Then, her voice still shaken, she continues, "and that's when he used his sent on me...."

"His scent?" my voice confused and cracking slightly.

"I don't know what it's like with humans when they mate, but with us it's based on our scents... No female could resist the smell of a male that close..."

'Pheromones' as a light bulb of understanding flashes in my head 'damn... they act more like cats everyday...' Then feeling even more guilty, I quickly respond, sounding even more sheepish and vulnerable. "I'm sorry Marissa, I didn't know... but you wouldn't have done that if he hadn't forced you to smell his scent."

"Don't remind me... I was stupid..." Then her composure softening a little, and looking at me with a glimmer of warmth "but at least you came to help me..."

Unable to appreciate her compliment, still feeling undeserving, all I manage to stammer is "but it still doesn't seem right..."

"It's just the way things work here Ben... He can't help his scent anymore than I can."

"You?" my voice sounding rather surprised, "you have a scent like that?"

"Of course I do, but it's only strong enough to attract a mate when I'm in heat..."

"Oh," feeling my face beginning to heat up, then another worrisome though pokes up through the bottom of my consciousness. Stammering again, not sure how to ask this, "Uh... Marissa... what if... they got you... you know... pregnant?"

Smiling slightly at this, she replies "Ben, it's okay, I'm not in heat right now... Anyway the scent is very strong, and the only way a female can resist it, is if she has a protector, usually a mate, of the opposite gender to fight for her... And if a female in heat comes around for him, she does the same... It's a sign of deep affection."

Looking back at her, I'm surprised to see a gleam in her eyes, as she regards me warmly. When I fail to give a reply to this, she adds "Ben, thank you again for coming for me... If you hadn't, I'd still be on my back for them." Her voice taking on a bitter edge, she continues "it did turn out to be an enjoyable evening, but they were planning on keeping me for quite some time..."

Then just as quickly, her tone softens. "You fought for me, you cared for me, and that means a lot..."

"I don't know Marissa... perhaps I was more jealous of them than anything else... if I really cared for you, I wouldn't have taken advantage of you like that..."

"But you didn't Ben... In that state of mind I really wanted you... If things hadn't happened the way they did, I wouldn't have been interested..." Then giving me a little smile, she adds "but I'm glad they did..."

"But... that's not how things work where I'm from..."

"We're not there though, are we, and I'm not a human Ben... This has been strange for you, and your reactions have been hard on both of us... However, I'd like you to be my mate, at least for the rest of the journey..." Then looking a little uncertain and hopeful, she finishes "that is if you'd like to..."

"Marissa, I don't know... is this just because I fought for you... or do you have deeper feelings for me?"

Pausing briefly, she moves forward, and slowly brings her hand to my cheek once again, watching me, a bit fearful, for signs of rejection. "That's a big part of it Ben... fighting for someone means a lot to us, no matter what the reasons... And I've enjoyed your company this past week, you've been an enjoyable travel companion... Even when you were hung up over wanting to mate with me, you still behaved fairly well, and I think we've become good friends..."

"Now, it's true if you hadn't fought for me, and found me the way I was, I doubt we would have ever mated, but now that it's happened, and I'm glad it did... It made realize that you could be a good mate, even if you aren't a felenzi... And if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be talking with you right now, and your verbal attack wouldn't have hit me nearly as hard as it did... Plus Ben, I'm thinking clearly right now. I'm not under the influence of anyone's scent, and I'm asking you to be my mate... I'm choosing you, and I hope you'll accept."

As she softly strokes my cheek, looking at me with her deep, greenish eyes, still a bit watery, I look back at her, still uncertain. "I don't know... I'm nervous what happens if we run into some more males who are interested in you?"

"The next time, if there is one, which is highly doubtful, I won't play around, I'll use my power on them right away. Anyway, you've shown you're pretty skillful at fighting, and your magic is getting better too... so I doubt we'll have any problems."

"But what about when you want to have children, or if the felenzi of your dreams shows up?"

"What about after the journey, and it's time for you to return home? Ben, we don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks, but if you're willing, I'd like to spend that time with you..."

"I guess I'd like that, but I just feel so bad about how this turned out, and how I've been acting."

She leans into me, as I offer no resistance, curling an arm around me, rubbing softly against me, looking deeply into my eyes. "Don't feel that way Ben, there's nothing for you to feel guilty about..."

Bringing my arm around her, and holding her for several minutes in silence, just soaking up her warmth, I finally speak, in a soft and apologetic voice. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you today..."

"It's understandable Ben... and at least you're showing you care now..."

"But I hurt you... I never wanted to do that..."

"I know, and I'm feeling better now, and that's because of you..." Then flashing a mischievous little grin across her muzzle, "and I'm sure you can think of a way to make up for it..."

Feeling her warm enthusiasm spread through me, driving away my doubts and remorse, calmed by her warm nearness, I smirk back at her. Happy to see her familiar composure has returned, I answer, "I think I can come up with an idea or two which you'll find suitable.

Pulling her a little closer, feeling the warmth of her furry body, through her clothes, against my bare chest, I slowly reach up to lightly stroke her cheek, keeping my gaze locked into her eyes. Stroking her soft cheek, with my fingers also working their way up to caress her feline ear, poking through her dark, wavy hair, she begins to slowly and deeply purr, leaning closer against me.

Touching her ear causes it to flick, much like an ordinary house-cat's will if you bother them that way, but her warm smile and continued purring suggests that she is not in the least annoyed by this treatment; much to the opposite in fact.

Stroking her cheek and ear with one hand, I move the other behind her and gently explore her back, as she reciprocates the same treatment on me. Coming down to the base of her tail, it's twitching rapidly, and as I slowly grasp it, she elicits a deep purr, gently forcing herself against me. Smiling at her, gently stroking her there briefly, I pull back, making a mental note to give her serious attention there later.

Moving my hand back up her back, she looks momentarily neglected, but moving my hand back down her cheek, reaching her whiskers, I softly begin stroking them, not sure how she'll react, remembering that cat's whiskers are very sensitive. Her purrs deepen, as it appears that she finds this very agreeable. Taking a few whiskers between my fingers, and ever so slightly pulling on them, traversing their whole length away from her face, she purrs yet again, encouraging me onward.

Trailing my fingers along her muzzle, reaching her thin black lips, she opens them and darts her tongue out, running it over my flesh. Slowly moving against my hand, she laps my fingers ever so lightly with her slightly rough tongue, purring all the time. The feel of her tongue gliding slowly over each one of fingers is completely wonderful, as she purrs softly while doing so.

After letting her lavish these ministrations on me for a couple of minutes, I slowly pull my hand away. Trailing my moist fingers along the fur of her cheek once again, I navigate to the back of her head, lightly grasping the base of her neck. Then still looking into her gaze, smiling warmly at her, as she returns my affectionate expressions, I gently ease her muzzle toward my lips. Kissing her lightly, feeling her thin lips against mine, our embrace tightens, and I'm further engulfed by her warmth. Then deepening the kiss, she slowly melts against me. Looking into her eyes, I'm rewarded with the adorable sight of them slightly crossing, her face reflecting pure bliss.

* * *

Later, holding her gently, as she leans against me beneath the covers, resting beside me with one furry hand laid gently on my chest, I look at her and smile. Returning my smile, as she gently strokes my skin, she says softly "thank you Ben... It was wonderful..."

Beaming at this, holding her closer, absently stroking her back, she continues. "It wasn't like before, when I was under the influence of their scent... this time my mind wasn't clouded with desire as much..." Then grinning at me, she continues, "not that I wasn't aroused Ben... well you know, I just had more mental control this time... and it let me experience things even more... and you were very good with me..."

"You were pretty nice yourself," grinning back at her, feeling a slight ego boost. "I'm glad you enjoyed it Marissa... it was wonderful for me too... you're very beautiful, and I hope we'll be able to do this a lot in the next few weeks." Then moving once again to her muzzle, our lips meet in a comfortable kiss.

As our kiss deepens, embracing her tighter, feeling my enthusiasm returning yet again, our overtures are interrupted by yet another knock at the door. Not hearing it at first, busy with other things, it takes a second series of soft, yet also determined raps to bring them to our attention. Stopping, a little startled, looking at her a bit sheepishly, I disentangle myself, and make sure to completely cover us with the sheets. Then looking hesitantly at her, feeling suddenly awkward, as if being caught by my parents or something, I leave the next step up to her.

Looking a little annoyed, but also slightly amused at my expression, she gives me a shrug and a quick smile, then in a flat tone of voice, simply asks "who is it?"

After a couple of moments, the door opens slowly, to reveal the same orange-furred felenzi whose flirtations I had turned down yesterday. In her arms she carries a large wooden tray with two plates of steaming food on it. Seeing us in bed together, she becomes visibly uncomfortable, as her confused and almost jealous stare seems to fall directly on me. Wishing to burrow under the covers, all I can do is stare dumbly back at her, as my face begins to heat up once again.

The young woman finally breaks the silence, speaking somewhat haltingly. "Father asked me to bring your supper up to you... he said things might be better if you didn't eat down in the main room tonight... given what happened last evening... that is if that's all right with you?"

Marissa speaks for the both of us, "yes, that would be fine. Just leave it over there on the table." After she has placed the tray on the table near the bed, and is nervously retreating, Marissa adds, "could you have someone bring some warm water for our bath tomorrow morning?" The girl nods, obviously wanting to exit quickly. Just as she's closing the door, Marissa finishes with "you've been very good to us... tell your father we'll be thanking him personally in the morning."

Once we're alone again, she turns to me with an mischievous grin on her face, watching me nervously blushing. "So Ben, I think she likes you..." When all I can do is dumbly nod, feeling slight pangs of guilt resurface, her voice becomes concerned. "Ben, what's wrong?"

"Uh... when she was here last night... when she brought me the bath water... she was flirting with me... I was troubled by everything else, so I didn't handle it very well... and I felt bad at hurting her like that."

Speaking softly, she reassures me, "no Ben. I doubt she was hurt too badly... probably more confused than hurt... I'd guess she's only been in heat a couple of times, and they can be pretty strong at first... Her father's also probably pretty protective of her, so she's naturally curious..." Then softly stroking my shoulder, "and you're pretty unique too," smiling warmly at me, she continues. "So I could see why she'd be interested in you... I'm sure you didn't handle it all that badly... she'll be okay."

Leaning against her, "thanks Marissa, you've been really caring with me... would you like to eat now?"

Nodding eagerly, she wordlessly convinces me to get out of bed and retrieve our supper. Turning and carrying the tray back to the bed, her eyes are watching me intently, admiring my body in motion, with a cute little wanting grin on her muzzle. It's been awhile for me, so it feels really nice being the object of someone's affections. Smiling warmly at her as I reach the bed, placing the tray in front of her, I climb in, snuggling against her under the covers.

We eat slowly, sitting up, our backs against the headboard, with the tray balanced between us, over our legs. It's another simple meal, but it tastes wonderful, and the company is excellent. Luckily it's not a messy meal, and we get through it without ruining the sheets; anything that's spilled on one of us, the other is all too happy to clean up for them.

After finishing dinner, placing the tray and dishes on the floor beside the bed, turning to her smiling, I eagerly await 'dessert.' Bringing her face close to mine, she surprises me by darting her tongue out, and instead of kissing me, lapping it across my puckered lips. Taken aback a bit at first, I quickly adjust to this, and find it quite enjoyable. When she's finished with me, I return the favor, delighting in the taste of the remnants of dinner, mixed in with her own subtle flavors. After thoroughly cleaning her muzzle, we once again kiss deeply.

Breaking away slowly after the kiss, she gives me a smirk, and teasingly says "you know Ben, we need to get up and get back on the road fairly early tomorrow... perhaps we should go to bed soon..."

"Ahhh... but we're already in bed Marissa..." giving her a mischievous grin of my own. "Anyway, a little light exercise will help us sleep better..."


Copyright 1994, Will A. Sanborn - was1@shore.net