Chasing Inspiration

Will A. Sanborn

6/23 - 6/26/97

I found her as I came out of the woods, following the trail as it opened up onto the large expanse of the field. There she was, a beautiful lupine, sitting there on a large rock on the edge of the field, waiting for me. I smiled as I saw her. Seeing me, she smiled back, her ears perking up. It had been quite some time since I'd seen her last, much too long. Walking towards her, I quickened my pace, glad to have a chance to have some time with her once again.

As she rose to a standing position, I got a good look at her once again, seeing the silver-furred wolf woman before me. She was wearing a simple blue dress, the hue of its fabric complementing the color of her fur and the long, raven tresses of her hair. The style of her outfit might have been plain, but not its fabric. Woven from some beautiful, lustrous threads, the dress shimmered with soft highlights, catching the sun as she moved. The random patterns of light playing across the garment accented her beauty and hinted at the wonderful secrets she held within herself.

Drawing closer to her, I saw her expression abruptly change, going from the warm smile to an enigmatic grin. Her ears flicked deviously as a wild thought ran through her mind. Spurred on by a sudden inspiration, she turned away and started running into the field. Watching her dart from me, I hesitated only briefly before taking after her; still a little confused, I gave into the chase.

Running into the large expanse of the field, I followed her over the grassy terrain, speeding to catch her. She wasn't making it easy though, throwing herself into the race, leading me on as I rushed after her. Chasing her through the field I watched her as she continued to elude me, running swiftly through the grass. As she bounded over the earth, her tail bounced with the movements of her body, but also wagging with her excitement and emotions. Her hair was caught up in the graceful motions as well, and her dress flowed with the wind, catching some of the elegant and radiant energy she possessed inside her.

Again I was in the chase, rushing after her as she drove me on. There were times when she could be so elusive, forcing me to work hard at finding and catching her. I hoped this wasn't one of those times, it had been too long, and I prayed that she was just in a playful mood. Whatever the case, she'd gotten my attention and I was drawn into running after her, following her through the soft grass.

Getting into the chase, I increased my speed. I saw her glance over her shoulder once again, watching me pursuing her, giving me another strange, semi-playful grin. She was making me work at it this time, but I could play along, and I would catch her. My efforts were starting to pay off. Feeling the power flowing through me, coming more alive with the chase, I began closing the distance between us. She tried to speed up, but finally I was matching her pace, and beating it. I knew with frantic excitement that I was overtaking her.

Seeing me closing in on her, she slowed her pace, heading for one of the few trees lying in the field. Reaching the tree, she came to a stop, allowing me to catch her a moment later. The chase ended, the inevitable outcome finally reached, we relaxed to catch our breath. Standing there, under the pleasant shade of the tree, we looked upon each other once again. Recovering from the endeavor and the energy of the pursuit, my breathing returned to normal. Watching her panting lightly before me, my pulse still raced slightly in anticipation. Gazing upon her face, I was lost in her expression. It still showed a mix of gladness, and longing, but there was something else there as well. Was it sorrow, disappointment? Her ears had also drooped down slightly.

Finally she spoke. "You've been ignoring me lately" she stated, her voice was stoic, and tinged lightly with pain.

The words to her accusation stung at me as I looked back at her. Falling into the depth of her gaze, I saw the jumble of emotions dancing in her eyes. "I know," I breathed out, "things have been so hectic lately... Work has really been busting my ass."

Even as I said it, I knew it was a shallow excuse, but it was still the truth. No matter how much it pained me to know it, the forces pulling my life in all directions did not always allow me time to give her the attention she deserved. All I could do was wait for the quiet spots amidst the storm and come searching for her then, hoping she'd be there for me.

Sometimes she'd even surprise me by showing up out of the blue, calling to me with her suggestions. Her timing was often perfect and I embraced her presence with open arms, grateful for the diversion. However, I couldn't always drop what I was doing for her, and that frustrated us both.

There were times when she could be quite insistent though, demanding my attention, and then I'd better listen to her. I knew I needed to keep her satisfied with my company, lest she find someone else to bring her beautiful light to. There were other times however, when she'd let me go my own way for a bit, giving me quiet when I needed it. These times were often the hardest, for even when I was too busy to heed the insistent sound of her calling to me, I still missed her presence. I missed her soft voice whispering in my ear.

It was those times when I felt so guilty for ignoring her too. Looking into her eyes I could tell she understood, but the traces of disappointment were still there. I wished I could just have more time to spend with her, if only things weren't so hectic, always pulling us apart.

The quiet times we could spend together were all that more cherished, given our time spent apart. It had been a longer period than usual this time, however, and I could read that on her face.

"I know... " came her reply, her voice low, "but it's been too long."

What could I say, other than stating the truth that seemed so hard to bear. "I can't help it... I'm sorry, but you know I can't always be there when you call me... Sometimes it just doesn't work."

"But it still hurts a little..." she sighed. "I know the truth as well as you... but it's tough to be ignored, even if only temporarily... even if it can't be helped."

I saw the tears forming in her eyes and I knew that I was mirroring them with my own expression. As I felt my own eyes stinging softly, she continued, her voice taking on a little more of an edge. "Even if you can't always come, you could still try and make more time for me..."

"But I do... I'm trying my best to" I answered her, becoming more defensive. "I try and come when you call, to make the time for you, but sometimes that's not enough... You mean a lot to me, your inspiration fires me up so much... but no matter how big a part of my life you are, you can't consume everything else..."

She nodded dully, and I added "sometimes you're hiding on me too... I look for you but can't find you... Please don't try and get me back that way, it only makes things worse... The time we have is scarce enough as it is."

Stinging from my words, a small quiver sent through her and her ears drooped even lower. "I know, but you're not the only one with a schedule to keep... I'm not at your beck and call any more than you're at mine... though sometimes I might be a little too persuasive... It's just that I've got so much I want to share with you."

Watching the waves of emotion flickering across her face, I hesitated a moment before replying to her, my voice going softer. "Look, I'll try and make more time for you, but right now things are too stressful... At least we have this moment now. Please, let's just take it..."

That did it. I saw her face soften even more, her eyes brimming with emotion as she looked at me, her gaze connecting with my mind and my soul. A small smile then began to wash away the troubled expression on her muzzle. She held out her hand to me, and with that simple gesture, a silent apology was offered up. Taking her hand softly in mine, I completed the ceremony. There was no need for words between us. Once again, for the moment at least, all was forgiven, and all was well.

Shivering lightly at the soft power to her touch, I moved closer to her as she pulled me in. Her smile was fuller, warmer now, and her ears were coming happily back up to attention. Touching her, I forgot about all the guilt and frustration, and simply enjoyed her company once again. Placing her other hand on my shoulder, she brought her mouth slowly towards me. Bringing her muzzle near my ear, she parted her lips and began whispering to me.

I felt her familiar magic instantly as the soft tones of her voice filled my consciousness. Her whispered secrets flowed upon me. Streaming out not as words, but fluid ideas, they ignited a candle of thought. The glimmer of understanding then burned brightly into the flame of inspiration in the space of only a few heartbeats.

My mind blazing from the energy she blew upon me, I felt the familiar rush of illumination. The ideas came swiftly once again, and the familiar, almost dizzying sensation of enlightenment swept over me. Firing me up with motivation, she continued to whisper to me, holding me in her ethereal embrace. I felt my mind spinning with ideas, taking the gift she gave me. Our souls touching once again, she imparted her glorious visions to me, spurring me onward to the pinnacles of inspiration.

All at once I was awake, coming out of the nap with a start. Blinking my eyes open, I realized the echoes of inspiration still going strong within my mind. Getting out of bed, I rushed to the desk, grabbing for a pen and paper. Working quickly, I scribbled madly, hurriedly forming the wild energy of my thoughts into the words flowing from me. Caught up in the motivation, I felt the glorious rush of the creative high wash over me as the ideas for the story took shape. It had been a long dry spell, but the rain had finally broken once again. My muse may be fickle and sometimes a little too demanding, but she still cares for me. She understands my limits and always helps me out when I really need it.


Copyright 1997, Will A. Sanborn - was1@shore.net