Slowly coming awake, as consciousness seeps back
into me, several things become apparent. First, trying to move,
even the slightest amount, rewards me with dull pain echoing throughout
my sore body. Then as memory returns, the warm form of Marissa
sleeping next to me sneaks into my awareness. Turning slowly onto
my side, ignoring for the moment the dull ache radiating through
my abdomen, I look at her, being careful not to wake her. As the
full realization of what has happened floods in on me, wave after
wave of desperate thoughts break over me.
For the moment she's sleeping peacefully, her muzzle
a mask of pure contentment. Her breath is soft and unlabored,
as she lies there in blissful slumber, as if she's completely
forgotten the horrible events of the past night; 'I wish I could
be so lucky...'
Easing myself back onto my back, then slowly moving
up to a sitting position, being careful to pamper my battered
body, as it cries out in painful protest at being moved at all.
Making a cursory examination, it seems as if my injuries are nothing
of the serious sort. 'True, I did get a beating from those damn
cats, but at least I managed to give that fucking tiger what he
had coming to him.' Looking myself over, it seems that besides
a good deal of bruises, tired muscles, and a few cuts, I'm not
too bad off, even if it does hurt like a bastard.
Looking down at my chest, there lies the worst of
my wounds, the results of the tiger's swipe, which could have
ripped me to shreds. Luckily my quick reflexes had been enough
to get out of the way, mostly. His sharp claws had managed to
connect with my tender flesh, and the four red and ragged trenches
they left had been deep enough to bleed freely. My quick-and-dirty
healing spell had been enough to stop the bleeding, and somewhat
knit the flesh together, but even so, the wounds still have a
good deal of healing to go, and they look quite nasty. 'Shit,
that's probably gonna leave a nasty scar,' I think wryly looking
down at the wound which runs across my entire chest.
Touching it lightly, the torn skin reacts with another
cry of pain. Trying to call forth the healing magic within me,
I struggle in vain for a couple of minutes. It's no use, my mind's
totally shot, as well as my strength. I should be able to get
out of bed without too much problem, and even walk downstairs,
but anything after that is pretty dubious. Also, there is another
new feeling of fatigue about me, one that is associated with the
magic powers flowing through me. As with physical exertion, there
seems to be only so much of the power I can use, without over-extending
myself.
Sighing slightly to myself, 'I guess I'll have to
wait awhile on that... oh well, at least it's not bleeding any
more. Maybe I can have Marissa attend to it later... that is if
she's still talking to me... or not something even worse than
that.' Then looking down at her, it's no longer possible to hide
from the thoughts I'd been trying to escape.
She's still sleeping soundly, breathing slowly, with
her body in a state of complete relaxation and bliss. The sheets
are pulled down slightly, exposing her shoulder, the gentle curves
of her back, and her arm which partially covers her supple breasts.
Looking down at her, I admire the black rosettes of her spots
against the snow-white beauty of her fur. Awash with mixed emotions,
looking down at her soft furry body, peacefully laid before me,
wishing to reach out and gently stroke her muzzle, but I hold
back against these urges, as the true realization of what's happened
continues to batter my tired brain. There's no way in hell that
I want her waking up right now.
'How the hell could I have done that? I should have
known better than that...' Cradling my head in my arms, ignoring
the pain caused by the movement, trying to blot out the knowledge
of the whole incident, I close my eyes and try and sort through
this whole mess.
'Dammit, how could I be so thoughtless? I tried to
be a nice guy for what it's worth, but I couldn't hold out against
temptation... Yeah, right... couldn't stop thinking with your
dick, that's what I mean... I was supposed to help her, but in
the end I wasn't any better than the tiger and his buddies...'
Feeling my face heat up, as my eyes begin to glisten, I continue
to beat myself up, arguing feebly. 'But she seemed to want it...'
adding cold logic, hoping to sway my own version of Jiminy Cricket
from his incessant badgering.
'Yeah, maybe she did... but look at the state she
was in... can I really say I didn't take advantage of her? I should
have been consoling her, instead of hopping in the sack and going
a few rounds with her.' Then my thoughts abruptly switch direction,
as I'm appalled at the prospect they suggest. 'What if she really
did want it? She did a damn good job of convincing me, my resistance
wasn't all that strong, but she did have to wear me down some...'
'She also seemed to be enjoying that big cat's attentions
last night, in front of everyone, and especially me... Fuck, in
fact after all her talk of mating only when she was good and ready,
she jumps in the sack with the first guy who comes along... make
that guys who came along. And why in the hell did she suddenly
go and get the hots for them anyway?'
'Must have been all that testosterone they were throwing
around... I guess she couldn't resist that big furry hunk,' and
as my thoughts become more angry and hurt, 'or his friends for
that matter.' Feeling my pulse rising, I look down at her in a
new light, feeling my face form ever so slightly into a snarl.
'Then, once I proved my strength for her, she finally decided
that I wasn't so bad after all, at least good enough to finish
the job...'
As the anger slowly builds within me, feeling somewhat
hurt and in an ironic way, almost used. I realize that I'm not
thinking rationally here, and I need to get out fast. Then another
thought dashes forward from the back of my mind, giving me further
reason for leaving as quick as possible. 'How long had they been
going at it anyway? All night? And all three of them?' Realizing
how "well-used" I'd gotten her, sends a quick shiver
down my back, although even amongst the revulsion, in a dim corner
of my consciousness, part of me feels remorse for thinking about
her this way.
However, the idea of three rather large and virile
felenzi males fully exercising her, only hours before, and in
this very bed, clouds out all other thoughts, as my stomach becomes
a bit queasy. Forced by an evil demon in my mind, I wonder just
how messy the bed is, but not wishing to find out, I suddenly
feel rather gross and want to get out of here as fast as I can.
Not wishing to wake her up, needing to postpone the
inevitable morning-after conversation, I slowly ease myself out
of the bed, turning away so I don't need to look at her, feeling
a melange of hurtful emotions. My body silently protests yet again,
with dull waves of pain, each muscle aching, joining in on the
chorus. I force myself onward though, the pain is bearable, mostly
just the aftermath of over-exertion, and although it slows me
down some, it's manageable. The wounds hurt a little more, but
luckily they're on my upper body, so walking doesn't really affect
them.
Getting out of bed as quickly as I dare, placing
my feet softly on the floor, and then slowly and tentatively getting
up, ignoring the pain as best I can, I finally reach a standing
position on slightly wobbly legs. Standing there naked, feeling
alone and ashamed, angry and repulsed, I also feel extremely vulnerable.
'If those cats decided to come back for their revenge, there'd
be nothing I could do against them...'
Luckily I doubt that the tiger will be doing anything
for quite some time though, not with his busted arm. Thinking
of that gives me a small delight, as I grin evily remembering
the look on his face as I got the better of him, but even that
makes me feel a little guilty. Trying to shrug it off, I realize
that with the tiger out of the picture, his buddies probably won't
try anything, not with the show I put on for them. Also, nobody
else in this poor excuse for a town should bother me. 'In fact,
I bet I have quite a reputation around here now. As long as I
don't let on just how tired I am, everyone should leave me alone.'
Then looking at Marissa one last time, conflicting
emotions continue to shake me. 'What the hell am I gonna say to
her? Damn, I wish I'd handled this better...' Shuddering yet again,
still feeling vulnerable, and scared that she could wake up any
minute, and I'd either have to deal with the situation, or run
away like a frightened animal, I'm reminded yet again of my dire
need to exit unnoticed.
Quickly throwing on my shorts, then picking up my
shirt, or more precisely the remains of it, I disgustedly look
at its tattered shreds. Tossing it to the floor where it had been,
then walking over to my shoes, I glance up at Marissa for signs
of waking. She stirs ever so slightly, as my heart pounds in my
ears, but thankfully doesn't open her eyes. Letting out a bated
breath as she returns to her peaceful slumber, I quietly pick
up my shoes, taking them in hand and slowly padding to the door,
all the time watching her and holding my breath.
She makes no further signs of consciousness, and
after slowly opening the door and stepping through and shutting
it, I'm finally alone in the hall. Letting my pulse return to
fairly normal, my somewhat-irrational fear subsides. Noticing
the light from the window at the end of the hall, and the way
it angles in, it appears to be fairly late in the morning, perhaps
almost even noon. Shuffling with sore muscles back to my room,
I enter it, locking the door behind me, and let out another sigh
of relief.
But even the sanctuary of this empty room doesn't
do all that much for my current state of mind. Feeling like total
shit, both mentally and physically, the urge to get clean overwhelms
me. 'Man would a hot bath be good right now.' Unfortunately, that
isn't an option right now, for as I open the bathroom and stumble
inside, I'm heartbroken to find the same water in the tub as from
my bath last night.
Still, I really do need to get clean, and no matter
how unpleasant a cold bath in dirty water is, at least it's all
my dirt. Removing my shorts and grimacing slightly, I step into
the tub, and force myself to sit in the cold water, as small shivers
run through me. Working quickly and efficiently, getting it over
as soon as possible, the bath only takes a couple of minutes,
but that's enough. It's not the best job, but it does help me
to feel a little better. Not as if that's much help though, as
the turmoil overwhelms me. 'And I thought I was bad off last night...'
wryly smiling to myself.
Then as I'm standing there, I'm suddenly aware of
my intense hunger. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, seeing
as our dinner was rudely interrupted last night. It's amazing
how I was able to perform like I did on an empty stomach and all,
and the hunger hits me hard, adding to my general feeling of weakness.
My laundry still hasn't been returned, so I'm forced to don my
shorts once again. Wearing only those and my shoes, I feel a little
nervous about going downstairs, but with all I've been through,
I really can't get all that worked up over it. Walking slowly
down the stairs, trying my best to disguise just how stiff my
muscles are, I walk into the main room and once again upset the
innkeeper.
Turning to look at me, his face quickly registers
surprise and a little fear, as his ears perk up and his eyes widen
slightly. Perhaps not wearing a shirt has worked to my advantage,
since he can plainly see the long wounds left by the tiger's claws;
having survived that, I also managed to come out on top. If he
had any doubts about my fighting prowess before, they must surely
have been forced from him now. Stammering a bit, he asks "is
there something I can do for you sir?"
"Yes," I reply, trying my best not to sound
near as bad as I feel. "I need food... as soon as possible..."
Then smiling at him a little devilishly, I add, "in fact,
you still owe us a meal, since we missed dinner last night."
He looks as if he's about to argue that fact with
me, but finally decides better of it. Trying his best to look
unthreatening, he replies "very well sir, I can warm something
up for you... is there anything in particular you'd like?"
"No," I answer, my voice softening a bit,
"as long as it's fast and warm, that'll be good enough...
and a good amount of it too."
He nods in acquiescence, and before he scurries of
toward the kitchen, I flash him a slight appreciative smile, which
seems to make him a little more at ease. Sitting down at the nearest
table, and surveying the room, it seems as if all of the damage
from last night has been taken care of. It looks as if two or
three of the tables are missing, and the back of the room seems
kind of empty. Amidst my own personal turmoil, I feel a little
pang of sadness for the little cat. 'Too bad it had to go down
in his bar... I can't imagine that he makes too much money here
as it is... Then again, he didn't lift a finger to help us...
in fact nobody did..."
Sitting there grumbling to myself, trying to work
through things, waiting for the food to arrive seems to take much
longer than it actually does. Nervously glancing at my watch several
times, trying to divert my attention, it reads 12:37 AM, which
of course is totally useless with their long days are here. 'I
don't even know why I still wear it... force of habit I guess.'
After about ten minutes, the little ocelot returns
with two plates full of steaming meat and vegetables. Setting
them down in front of me, he looks at me timidly for approval.
"Thanks," I state rather dryly. "This will be good...
now, there's still the matter of our laundry. I'd like to have
it returned before I'm done here... You can leave it up in my
room. If she's not awake, don't disturb her, just leave her clothes
outside of the door." He nods and is about to turn away,
when I loosely grab his hand. He jumps slightly, but then relaxes,
seeing my non-threatening pose. "One more thing... could
you please change the water for my bath?" He nods, and after
releasing his hand, he darts off once again to keep this dangerous
alien happy.
The food is wonderful. It's much better than the
simple meals we'd been eating out on the road. The meat is the
same as our dried rations, but cooked fresh like this it's wonderful,
especially given my exhausted and hungry state. Some of the vegetables
are new to me, but they are pleasantly surprising, and before
long I've wolfed my way through one plate and have started on
another, going a little slower now that my hunger has been abated
somewhat.
The simple pleasure of the meal does wonders for
me, and I'm starting to feel a little better, for the moment forgetting
about the situation at hand, and concentrating on what seems like
the best meal I've had in ages. Then of course, something would
have to happen to spoil this near-perfect moment for me. Right
after I've started in on the second heaping plate, I hear a quiet
shuffling behind me, and quickly turning my head, see it's Marissa
slowly padding her way down the stairs, looking very worn out
and non-emotional.
She's dressed in her clothes from the pervious evenings
adventures, with her shirt tucked haphazardly into her breeches.
Most of the buttons were torn out last night by the tiger's sharp
claws, with his intrusions which she didn't seem to mind very
much at all, in fact just the opposite. Therefore, her shirt is
only buttoned in a couple places, and loosely at that, as the
buttons are hanging by their threads. Her shirt parts in a few
places, rewarding me with glimpses of her furry belly and cleavage.
However the sight is lost upon me, not being in any type of mindset
to appreciate it.
She's not wearing her boots, instead she pads along
in her bare feet, showing the black markings of her fur there,
coming up slightly along her calves. As she slowly walks down
the stairs, her tail twitches lightly, but as with the rest of
her, it just doesn't seem to be all that energetic this late morning.
Her fur and hair are still somewhat messed up, and she wears a
mask of tired disinterest. However, upon seeing me sitting here,
her expression brightens visibly as she picks up her pace to join
me.
I wish I could say that I'm as happy to see her.
'Damn, this isn't gonna be easy... what the hell do I say?' Watching
her quickly cross the distance to sit down in front of me, I try
and keep my face as stoic as possible, as my anguish returns.
Sitting down and smiling at me warmly, she gives me a "Good
morning Ben," sounding rather cheerful, although still a
little tired.
"Uh.. good morning Marissa," I half stammer.
Racking my brain for something to say, I finally add "are
you okay?"
Smiling at me again, she replies "yes Ben...
of course I am... but what about you? You took quite a beating
from them, and look at that wound on your chest. You need some
healing quickly."
She reaches out to touch me, but I quickly draw back,
my control vanishing and my demeanor quickly changing. "No."
I state a bit harshly. "It's okay for now... leave it alone."
She takes my reaction with surprise, her face registering
bewilderment and hurt. "Ben" she asks quietly, withdrawing
her hand, "are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes... I'm just tired," lying through my teeth, but at least regaining enough control to take the edge of my voice. Staring at her, as she looks back at me, confused and a little wounded, her eyes piercing me with her concerned gaze, I hesitate, trying to figure out how to handle this. Finally taking the easy way out, I simply say "Look... I need some more rest, and you're probably pretty hungry... The innkeeper should be back soon, and he'll be more than eager to help you."
Pushing my mostly-full plate over toward her, I quickly
stand and back away from the table, momentarily still locked in
her gaze. She finally mutters "thank you" in a tired
voice, and drops her gaze to the food in front of her, and then
begins eating. Released from her stare, I quickly turn and retreat
back up the stairs, inwardly cursing myself.
Coming back to my room, I notice with some satisfaction
that my laundry has been returned, clean and neatly folded on
the table, but I'm overwhelmed with other concerns at the moment
to really care too much. Kicking off my shoes, and turning with
a sigh to my still-pristine bed, I quickly throw back the covers
and fall into it, its soft warmth giving me much-needed sanctuary.
'Gee I really handled that well didn't I?' My verbal response
to this is a tired "oh bite me," as I quickly and thankfully
fall into the total oblivion of deep sleep.
Coming once again slowly out of the void, slowly
opening my eyes, I glance around the room, wondering what it was
that pulled me out of the safety of sleep. Physically I feel much
better, my body still aches, as I move slightly, but at least
most of the tiredness has left me. Glancing at my watch out of
habit, it reads 5:42, so I've certainly gotten a decent nap in.
Looking out the window, the sun is low in the clear sky, but it's
still a few of hours until nightfall.
Then comes a knock at the door, light and hesitant,
repeating the intrusion that must have woken me. 'Damn, I don't
need this now...' as I ponder the possibility of ignoring its
quiet insistence. Still, I can't avoid this forever. "Oh
hell, might as well get it over with," muttering under my
breath as I slowly pull the covers off, raise my aching body to
the floor and slowly walk to the door.
Before reaching it, the knocks come again, this time
a little louder, and a little more urgent or desperate. Hesitating
briefly, then undoing the flimsy lock which of course I know is
pretty useless, I open the door to find Marissa standing there,
just as I'd dreaded.
She's much more presentable than she was this morning
though, having changed into new clothes and donned her boots yet
again. Also, she looks as if she's taken a bath, or at least taken
some time with a brush, since her fur is once again at its normal
immaculate state, with her hair flowing in smooth, light waves,
all its tangles carefully brushed out. She looks as if she's had
some more sleep too, as her face is more animated than when I
last saw her. Had this been under different circumstances, I would
have been very glad to see her, but now all my thoughts turn to
dread and how to get through this as soon as possible.
Her eyes are no longer dulled by tiredness, and she
regards me with a mixture of concern, anxiety, adoration and hurt.
Hesitating, as I stare back at her, my stomach turning into knots,
she finally breaks the silence. "Ben, I let you sleep because
you needed it, and I got some more rest myself... But now I need
to attend to your wounds. If I don't heal them soon, they could
get a lot worse."
Her voice is soft and sincere, but it doesn't put
me at ease, instead driving an icy pick of guilt deep into me
for everything that's happened, and the way I've been feeling
about her. Sighing with quiet resignation, I mumble a tired "okay,"
and step back, letting her enter the room.
Looking at me, still with a small amount of uncertainty,
she loosely takes my hand and leads me back to the bed and guides
me down to a sitting position on it, my back resting against the
headboard, propped up on a pillow. Feeling numb and confused as
she sits down next to me, her legs hanging over the side, her
feet coming to rest gently on the floor, I watch her for what
will happen next.
Reaching out gently to touch the wounds on my chest,
causing me to jump slightly, she softly states "I'm sorry
Ben, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just needed to check the wound
out." Then looking into my eyes, she continues, "thank
you for fighting for me..."
Staring dumbly back at her, hesitating for several
moments, I don't know how to answer this. Finally replying, my
voice unsteady, "uh, you're welcome... but I don't feel like
I deserve it..."
Smiling warmly at me, she half-chuckles half-purrs,
"of course you do... now hold still, I don't want to hurt
you again." Then lightly pressing her black-furred fingertips
against the skin of my chest, I slowly feel her healing power
washing over me. The four lacerations on my chest warm up, and
as I watch, the flesh knits itself together. In about a minute,
the wound has completely vanished, but she keeps her power flowing
through me, as it spreads throughout my entire body, massaging
my worn muscles, and easing their tired pain.
When the magic finally ebbs, I'm amazed at how good
I feel, just about all the traces from the fight have dissipated.
Lightly flexing my muscles, enjoying the sudden reprieve from
their aches, I look back at her, giving her a slight appreciative
smile. For the moment I have forgotten about all the turmoil brewing
inside of me, and feel only gratitude and tranquillity.
This doesn't last for long however, as she returns
my warm smile, and reaches down to take one of my hands in hers.
Then slowly bringing it to her soft muzzle, she begins to purr
once again and slowly starts licking my fingers. Taking me by
surprise, I'm frozen for several seconds, trying to react. Then
finally in a desperate attempt to stop this, I pull away from
her, withdrawing my hand somewhat roughly from her grip. As she
jerks her head up, looking at me with puzzlement, I stammer "no,
we can't do this..."
Regarding me with wounded and confused eyes, she
stares at me, making me wish I could simply hide under the covers,
cowering from her gaze. "Ben?" she finally asks, in
a single bewildered syllable. Then after a moment's consideration,
she reaches out to softly caress my cheek.
"No," I blurt out, not thinking clearly,
just reacting, as I push away her hand. "It's wrong... we
can't do that again..." My voice is harsher than I'd meant
it to be, as I'm trembling inside, all these emotions welling
up within me.
Her composure cracks, as she pulls away, watching
me, confused, begging me with her eyes for an explanation. Unable
to give her one though, unable to say anything more, I simply
look numbly back at her, feeling my pulse quicken yet again. Half
expecting her to react with anger, which I surely deserve, and
bringing her claws to bear on me, I'm surprised when she finally
breaks free, quickly standing and dashing out of the room; leaving
me alone with my thoughts.
"Oh fuck..." muttering to myself, staring
blankly at the opposite wall, feeling like a total jerk, lower
than I'd ever thought possible. Sitting there, stewing in my turmoil,
for several minutes, I finally rouse myself, forcing me out of
bed, slowly walking to the half-closed door, and hesitantly shuffling
into the hall.
She's standing down at the end of the hall, her back
to me, looking out the window, her hands leaning against the sill,
supporting her as she trembles ever so lightly. Slowly approaching
her, unsure, but realizing I need to amend the situation, or at
least make a decent attempt at, I try and quell all the emotions
raging inside of me. Coming up behind her, she makes no attempt
to turn around, ignoring me as I feel my face heating up slightly.
Reaching out tentatively, I lightly touching her
shoulder, worried about sending mixed signals, but needing to
resolve this. She turns around slowly, her eyes glistening slightly,
still trembling, but from anger or hurt? I really can't tell.
She keeps her gaze lowered slightly, not making direct eye contact
with me. Removing my hand from her shoulder, slowly speaking,
my voice cracking lightly, "I'm sorry Marissa... I didn't
handle that well..."
She lifts her eyes briefly, looking into mine, as
if searching for my true feelings. She doesn't reply, so I finally
add, "I think we need to talk..." She silently nods,
and turns with me, following me back to the room. Entering it
once again, I move to the bed, sitting cross-legged on it, in
the furthest corner, hoping to keep our physical distances separated
by as much as possible. She shuts the door behind us, then sitting
at the foot of the bed, she looks at me dully, as if waiting for
me to get things started.
Taking a couple of deep breaths, feeling my emotions
sneaking back into my consciousness, and feeling so unsure and
vulnerable, I finally initiate this uncomfortable conversation.
Dropping my eyes from her troubled gaze, I softly state "I'm
sorry Marissa... I haven't been a very good friend today..."
"What do you mean Ben?" her voice confused
and unsure?
'Damn, does she really need me to spell it out for
her, doesn't she know I feel bad enough as it is? Okay... I can
get through this.' Hesitating briefly, I finally continue. "I'm
sorry for taking advantage of you this morning... I wasn't thinking
clearly, and I acted extremely wrong... I've never done that before,
and please believe me when I say how bad I feel about it."
As I'm finishing up, my face continues to grow warmer, as my voice
cracks and I feel my eyes begin to sting.
Glancing up at her, she looks bewildered and concerned,
"what do you mean you took advantage of me?"
Taken back at this reply, floored by her question,
I'm momentarily at a loss for words. 'Why is she doing this to
me? Is she trying to make it harder for me?' Letting several moments
pass, looking back at her, confused and upset, I then continue.
"You know what I mean... I... uh... took advantage of you
just like those three felenzi did... I was supposed to help you,
but instead I was just as bad as they were... I mean how could
I have done that to you, after they had just got done raping you..."
Feeling tears of rage and condemnation beginning to form, I choke
out "I'm sorry..."
Her question is simple, yet with a confused and worried
tone of voice, "what does 'rape' mean?"
Stammering in surprise, "you know... uh... mating
with you... against your will... and I'm just as bad as them...
I should have known you weren't thinking clearly and had more
resistance..."
Feeling like a total cad, dropping my gaze further
from her, I struggle to keep myself in check, as emotions tear
at me from all sides. There's a slight movement, and looking back
up at her, she is crawling slowly toward me, as my pulse rages
again out of control. Looking at her, vulnerable and unsure, she
reaches out her hand and softly places it on my shoulder, in a
reassuring grip. Confused, but somewhat comforted, I allow this
advance to go unchecked and simply gaze at her through watery
eyes.
"It wasn't against my will... I was stupid.
I could have stopped it."
"No Marissa, you shouldn't feel that way...
it wasn't your fault, it was there's... and... also mine..."
"Ben, you don't understand... I really wanted
to... It was an enjoyable evening... as was this morning, with
you..."
Feeling my composure changing almost instantly, those
other, darker, emotions take over, springing forward from the
dark corners of my mind. "Dammit Marissa, you're not making
this easy on me," I state rather loudly, pushing her hand
away from me yet again and scooting backwards, pressing against
the backboard, trying to get as far away from her as possible.
"I was trying to be understanding," my voice getting
a little harsher, "I was trying to apologize. I didn't want
to believe you actually wanted it..."
"After turning me down all week, stating how
high and mighty your resolve was, not to mate until you were good
and ready, then what do you do but hop in the sack with the first
cats that came sniffing around... And you didn't even care about
how I'd feel about it... in fact you completely forgot about me
until I showed up, thinking foolishly I was saving you... Then
once you saw me in action you suddenly decided that I was good
enough for a quick roll in the hay..."
Realizing just how much I've dumped on her as my
anger raged unchecked, I try and get back in control, stopping
my bitter ranting at her. However, it's too late, as her face
reflects utter hurt and she quickly turns away from me. Within
moments, she's trembling yet again, as small sobs emanate from
deep within her, having slight feline hisses to them.
Watching her turned away from me, I'm again slammed
with guilt and shame, looking on, unable to do anything to comfort
her; I've done enough as it is. Her crying lasts for a few minutes,
then as her sobs slowly ebb, she turns to me, wiping her eyes
with her hands, looking at me with a wounded stare, as I gaze
back through watery eyes of my own.
"No Ben, you don't understand," her voice
broken by the remnants of her crying. "I think I know where
you're coming from... but it still hurt..."
"I'm sorry Marissa," with a rather sheepish
tone in my voice, and an even more-so expression on my face, trying
to hold back my own guilty tears. "That was uncalled for...
I'm acting like a total jerk..."
Her face brightening a little, she responds, gaining
her composure slowly. "I know Ben, this must be hard for
you... let me try and explain. I wasn't interested at first, and
as you saw I was intent on making them well aware of that... I
got careless though, and that was my problem. I should have just
used a big spell on them and taken care of them right away...
Instead I was just having some fun with them, and that was foolish.
I could have gotten you severely hurt, and it gave the tiger the
chance he needed..."
Feeling still just about on the verge of tears, looking
back at her as she slowly tells me this, all I can do is stare
dumbly back at her. Her tears are drying on her face, but she
still has that wounded look about her, driving the spike of guilt
further into me. She hesitates slightly, looking at me, drawing
me, somewhat unwillingly, into the depths of her eyes. Then, her
voice still shaken, she continues, "and that's when he used
his sent on me...."
"His scent?" my voice confused and cracking
slightly.
"I don't know what it's like with humans when
they mate, but with us it's based on our scents... No female could
resist the smell of a male that close..."
'Pheromones' as a light bulb of understanding flashes
in my head 'damn... they act more like cats everyday...' Then
feeling even more guilty, I quickly respond, sounding even more
sheepish and vulnerable. "I'm sorry Marissa, I didn't know...
but you wouldn't have done that if he hadn't forced you to smell
his scent."
"Don't remind me... I was stupid..." Then
her composure softening a little, and looking at me with a glimmer
of warmth "but at least you came to help me..."
Unable to appreciate her compliment, still feeling
undeserving, all I manage to stammer is "but it still doesn't
seem right..."
"It's just the way things work here Ben... He
can't help his scent anymore than I can."
"You?" my voice sounding rather surprised,
"you have a scent like that?"
"Of course I do, but it's only strong enough
to attract a mate when I'm in heat..."
"Oh," feeling my face beginning to heat
up, then another worrisome though pokes up through the bottom
of my consciousness. Stammering again, not sure how to ask this,
"Uh... Marissa... what if... they got you... you know...
pregnant?"
Smiling slightly at this, she replies "Ben,
it's okay, I'm not in heat right now... Anyway the scent is very
strong, and the only way a female can resist it, is if she has
a protector, usually a mate, of the opposite gender to fight for
her... And if a female in heat comes around for him, she does
the same... It's a sign of deep affection."
Looking back at her, I'm surprised to see a gleam
in her eyes, as she regards me warmly. When I fail to give a reply
to this, she adds "Ben, thank you again for coming for me...
If you hadn't, I'd still be on my back for them." Her voice
taking on a bitter edge, she continues "it did turn out to
be an enjoyable evening, but they were planning on keeping me
for quite some time..."
Then just as quickly, her tone softens. "You
fought for me, you cared for me, and that means a lot..."
"I don't know Marissa... perhaps I was more
jealous of them than anything else... if I really cared for you,
I wouldn't have taken advantage of you like that..."
"But you didn't Ben... In that state of mind
I really wanted you... If things hadn't happened the way they
did, I wouldn't have been interested..." Then giving me a
little smile, she adds "but I'm glad they did..."
"But... that's not how things work where I'm
from..."
"We're not there though, are we, and I'm not
a human Ben... This has been strange for you, and your reactions
have been hard on both of us... However, I'd like you to be my
mate, at least for the rest of the journey..." Then looking
a little uncertain and hopeful, she finishes "that is if
you'd like to..."
"Marissa, I don't know... is this just because
I fought for you... or do you have deeper feelings for me?"
Pausing briefly, she moves forward, and slowly brings
her hand to my cheek once again, watching me, a bit fearful, for
signs of rejection. "That's a big part of it Ben... fighting
for someone means a lot to us, no matter what the reasons... And
I've enjoyed your company this past week, you've been an enjoyable
travel companion... Even when you were hung up over wanting to
mate with me, you still behaved fairly well, and I think we've
become good friends..."
"Now, it's true if you hadn't fought for me,
and found me the way I was, I doubt we would have ever mated,
but now that it's happened, and I'm glad it did... It made realize
that you could be a good mate, even if you aren't a felenzi...
And if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be talking with you
right now, and your verbal attack wouldn't have hit me nearly
as hard as it did... Plus Ben, I'm thinking clearly right now.
I'm not under the influence of anyone's scent, and I'm asking
you to be my mate... I'm choosing you, and I hope you'll accept."
As she softly strokes my cheek, looking at me with
her deep, greenish eyes, still a bit watery, I look back at her,
still uncertain. "I don't know... I'm nervous what happens
if we run into some more males who are interested in you?"
"The next time, if there is one, which is highly
doubtful, I won't play around, I'll use my power on them right
away. Anyway, you've shown you're pretty skillful at fighting,
and your magic is getting better too... so I doubt we'll have
any problems."
"But what about when you want to have children,
or if the felenzi of your dreams shows up?"
"What about after the journey, and it's time
for you to return home? Ben, we don't know what's going to happen
in the next few weeks, but if you're willing, I'd like to spend
that time with you..."
"I guess I'd like that, but I just feel so bad
about how this turned out, and how I've been acting."
She leans into me, as I offer no resistance, curling
an arm around me, rubbing softly against me, looking deeply into
my eyes. "Don't feel that way Ben, there's nothing for you
to feel guilty about..."
Bringing my arm around her, and holding her for several
minutes in silence, just soaking up her warmth, I finally speak,
in a soft and apologetic voice. "I'm sorry for the way I
treated you today..."
"It's understandable Ben... and at least you're
showing you care now..."
"But I hurt you... I never wanted to do that..."
"I know, and I'm feeling better now, and that's
because of you..." Then flashing a mischievous little grin
across her muzzle, "and I'm sure you can think of a way to
make up for it..."
Feeling her warm enthusiasm spread through me, driving
away my doubts and remorse, calmed by her warm nearness, I smirk
back at her. Happy to see her familiar composure has returned,
I answer, "I think I can come up with an idea or two which
you'll find suitable.
Pulling her a little closer, feeling the warmth of
her furry body, through her clothes, against my bare chest, I
slowly reach up to lightly stroke her cheek, keeping my gaze locked
into her eyes. Stroking her soft cheek, with my fingers also working
their way up to caress her feline ear, poking through her dark,
wavy hair, she begins to slowly and deeply purr, leaning closer
against me.
Touching her ear causes it to flick, much like an
ordinary house-cat's will if you bother them that way, but her
warm smile and continued purring suggests that she is not in the
least annoyed by this treatment; much to the opposite in fact.
Stroking her cheek and ear with one hand, I move
the other behind her and gently explore her back, as she reciprocates
the same treatment on me. Coming down to the base of her tail,
it's twitching rapidly, and as I slowly grasp it, she elicits
a deep purr, gently forcing herself against me. Smiling at her,
gently stroking her there briefly, I pull back, making a mental
note to give her serious attention there later.
Moving my hand back up her back, she looks momentarily
neglected, but moving my hand back down her cheek, reaching her
whiskers, I softly begin stroking them, not sure how she'll react,
remembering that cat's whiskers are very sensitive. Her purrs
deepen, as it appears that she finds this very agreeable. Taking
a few whiskers between my fingers, and ever so slightly pulling
on them, traversing their whole length away from her face, she
purrs yet again, encouraging me onward.
Trailing my fingers along her muzzle, reaching her
thin black lips, she opens them and darts her tongue out, running
it over my flesh. Slowly moving against my hand, she laps my fingers
ever so lightly with her slightly rough tongue, purring all the
time. The feel of her tongue gliding slowly over each one of fingers
is completely wonderful, as she purrs softly while doing so.
After letting her lavish these ministrations on me
for a couple of minutes, I slowly pull my hand away. Trailing
my moist fingers along the fur of her cheek once again, I navigate
to the back of her head, lightly grasping the base of her neck.
Then still looking into her gaze, smiling warmly at her, as she
returns my affectionate expressions, I gently ease her muzzle
toward my lips. Kissing her lightly, feeling her thin lips against
mine, our embrace tightens, and I'm further engulfed by her warmth.
Then deepening the kiss, she slowly melts against me. Looking
into her eyes, I'm rewarded with the adorable sight of them slightly
crossing, her face reflecting pure bliss.
Later, holding her gently, as she leans against me
beneath the covers, resting beside me with one furry hand laid
gently on my chest, I look at her and smile. Returning my smile,
as she gently strokes my skin, she says softly "thank you
Ben... It was wonderful..."
Beaming at this, holding her closer, absently stroking
her back, she continues. "It wasn't like before, when I was
under the influence of their scent... this time my mind wasn't
clouded with desire as much..." Then grinning at me, she
continues, "not that I wasn't aroused Ben... well you know,
I just had more mental control this time... and it let me experience
things even more... and you were very good with me..."
"You were pretty nice yourself," grinning
back at her, feeling a slight ego boost. "I'm glad you enjoyed
it Marissa... it was wonderful for me too... you're very beautiful,
and I hope we'll be able to do this a lot in the next few weeks."
Then moving once again to her muzzle, our lips meet in a comfortable
kiss.
As our kiss deepens, embracing her tighter, feeling
my enthusiasm returning yet again, our overtures are interrupted
by yet another knock at the door. Not hearing it at first, busy
with other things, it takes a second series of soft, yet also
determined raps to bring them to our attention. Stopping, a little
startled, looking at her a bit sheepishly, I disentangle myself,
and make sure to completely cover us with the sheets. Then looking
hesitantly at her, feeling suddenly awkward, as if being caught
by my parents or something, I leave the next step up to her.
Looking a little annoyed, but also slightly amused
at my expression, she gives me a shrug and a quick smile, then
in a flat tone of voice, simply asks "who is it?"
After a couple of moments, the door opens slowly,
to reveal the same orange-furred felenzi whose flirtations I had
turned down yesterday. In her arms she carries a large wooden
tray with two plates of steaming food on it. Seeing us in bed
together, she becomes visibly uncomfortable, as her confused and
almost jealous stare seems to fall directly on me. Wishing to
burrow under the covers, all I can do is stare dumbly back at
her, as my face begins to heat up once again.
The young woman finally breaks the silence, speaking
somewhat haltingly. "Father asked me to bring your supper
up to you... he said things might be better if you didn't eat
down in the main room tonight... given what happened last evening...
that is if that's all right with you?"
Marissa speaks for the both of us, "yes, that
would be fine. Just leave it over there on the table." After
she has placed the tray on the table near the bed, and is nervously
retreating, Marissa adds, "could you have someone bring some
warm water for our bath tomorrow morning?" The girl nods,
obviously wanting to exit quickly. Just as she's closing the door,
Marissa finishes with "you've been very good to us... tell
your father we'll be thanking him personally in the morning."
Once we're alone again, she turns to me with an mischievous
grin on her face, watching me nervously blushing. "So Ben,
I think she likes you..." When all I can do is dumbly nod,
feeling slight pangs of guilt resurface, her voice becomes concerned.
"Ben, what's wrong?"
"Uh... when she was here last night... when
she brought me the bath water... she was flirting with me... I
was troubled by everything else, so I didn't handle it very well...
and I felt bad at hurting her like that."
Speaking softly, she reassures me, "no Ben.
I doubt she was hurt too badly... probably more confused than
hurt... I'd guess she's only been in heat a couple of times, and
they can be pretty strong at first... Her father's also probably
pretty protective of her, so she's naturally curious..."
Then softly stroking my shoulder, "and you're pretty unique
too," smiling warmly at me, she continues. "So I could
see why she'd be interested in you... I'm sure you didn't handle
it all that badly... she'll be okay."
Leaning against her, "thanks Marissa, you've
been really caring with me... would you like to eat now?"
Nodding eagerly, she wordlessly convinces me to get
out of bed and retrieve our supper. Turning and carrying the tray
back to the bed, her eyes are watching me intently, admiring my
body in motion, with a cute little wanting grin on her muzzle.
It's been awhile for me, so it feels really nice being the object
of someone's affections. Smiling warmly at her as I reach the
bed, placing the tray in front of her, I climb in, snuggling against
her under the covers.
We eat slowly, sitting up, our backs against the
headboard, with the tray balanced between us, over our legs. It's
another simple meal, but it tastes wonderful, and the company
is excellent. Luckily it's not a messy meal, and we get through
it without ruining the sheets; anything that's spilled on one
of us, the other is all too happy to clean up for them.
After finishing dinner, placing the tray and dishes
on the floor beside the bed, turning to her smiling, I eagerly
await 'dessert.' Bringing her face close to mine, she surprises
me by darting her tongue out, and instead of kissing me, lapping
it across my puckered lips. Taken aback a bit at first, I quickly
adjust to this, and find it quite enjoyable. When she's finished
with me, I return the favor, delighting in the taste of the remnants
of dinner, mixed in with her own subtle flavors. After thoroughly
cleaning her muzzle, we once again kiss deeply.
Breaking away slowly after the kiss, she gives me
a smirk, and teasingly says "you know Ben, we need to get
up and get back on the road fairly early tomorrow... perhaps we
should go to bed soon..."
"Ahhh... but we're already in bed Marissa..."
giving her a mischievous grin of my own. "Anyway, a little
light exercise will help us sleep better..."
Copyright 1994, Will A. Sanborn - was1@shore.net