The Journey

Chapter 12

Will A. Sanborn

12/4 - 12/9/94

Lying there, curled up on the cool stone floor, several minutes pass before I'm aware that my eyes are open and I'm starting blankly at the wall. Blinking a couple of times, consciousness pours back over me. Feeling stiff from all of our strenuous activities, I stretch my feline body, working out the kinks and feeling pleasantly fulfilled. We'd been too involved to think about moving to the comfortable mattress, no instead we'd gone at it on the hard floor. I still feel a little sore from all of it, but that's also supplemented by the pleasant glow of tension and energy so wonderfully spent.

'Damn... I can't believe how long we went at it... We were like animals... Man did it feel good though... I can't believe how strong this new body is...' Smiling to myself, 'It's still gonna take some getting used to, but I think it won't be all that bad... It felt weird to be overwhelmed by her scent like that... but it was definitely pleasant... The loss of control was worth it...'

How long had we been busy anyway? That's hard to tell, since my recall of the events is a bit cloudy. It had been like a dream, one of the most wonderful and pleasant dreams I'd ever had, and it had seemed to last forever, consumed by each other's presence like that. My memory is a blur of wonderful sensations and passions, but what I can remember warms me to the core, putting another gentle smile across my muzzle; a slight purr escaping me, my tail twitching lightly behind me. Thinking about it, it was the most intense and wonderful thing that had ever happened to me, the feelings so new and exciting.

Trying to sort things out, it seems that we were occupied for at least a couple of days, since I seem to remember someone coming with food for us several times. 'They watched us mate?' that thought heating up my face, trying to imagine our captors walking in us, lost in our scents, growling in a mating frenzy not unlike a couple of large earth cats. Then again, it doesn't seem to matter all that much, what happened between us seeming so natural and wonderful. If they did watch, well, we've got bigger problems to worry about.

Still not quite believing we'd made love with such fierceness and power, for as long as we did, I remember us only pausing to rest; whenever food was brought to us, we'd attack it with predatory zealousness, ripping it apart with our strong claws and powerful teeth. Come to think of it, I seem to remember seeing one of the dracmars, this one a clone of Marissa, setting the food before us, smirking, standing back at a safe distance, watching with some interest as we paused our play and gobbled up the necessary nourishment.

Shivering only slightly at this, I turn my attention to Marissa who lies curled up next to me, sleeping deeply, a peaceful and contented smile across her muzzle. Looking at her, watching her as she sleeps, her fur and hair are in an a rather obvious state of disarray. Then glancing down at myself, the same can be said for me; obviously grooming hadn't been high on our agendas. She looks absolutely beautiful though, even with her fur all ruffled up, maybe even more so, attractive in its own weird way. Looking at her, my heart swells, my mind filling with thoughts of her; mating like that, the feelings so intense, it had seemed to consummate our relationship in ways I'd never even imagined.

Stretching again, working more of the stiffness from my muscles, my felenzi body still feels a little strange to me; especially the tail, which still seems to have a mind of its own most of the time. Then curling closer to Marissa, I softly nuzzle her neck, putting my arm around her, feeling the soft firmness of her belly.

Breathing in deeply, her beautiful scent still lingers, but nowhere near as potent as it had been. Taking another wonderful breath, it still has a subtle hold over me, snaking out and getting my attention, but it's more mental, not the bestial, instinctive force it had been. Smiling at this, her scent and warmth bringing back some more of those pleasant, dreamy memories, the afterglow gently envelopes me; everything else only dull thoughts in the corners of my mind.

Nuzzling her a little harder, she stirs softly, letting out a small purr, before coming awake, lazily opening her eyes. Turning slightly to look at me, her smile widens, gentle and warm. "Good morning Ben..." her voice contented, but a little tired. Brining my muzzle to hers, our lips meet in a gentle and lingering kiss.

"Hello lover... how are you feeling?"

"Ummm..." stretching as I had, "good, but kind of stiff... my back's a little sore..."

"I know... we didn't have sense enough to get on the bed... I guess we were busy with other things..." her giggles joining mine.

"Come on... the mattress will be softer..." still feeling warm and happy, only small thoughts nagging at me in the background. Then reaching under her, grabbing her by her shoulders and haunches, I rise, carrying her easily to the bed; she lets out a pleasant little squeal of surprise at this, letting her body lean into mine.

Sitting her down on the mattress, I crawl behind her and softly place my hands on her shoulders. Massaging slowly, just wanting to make my mate feel good, my hands work the stiffness from her back, as she rewards me with a few contented purrs. Gliding my hands along her body, managing to smooth her fur out as I go, I comment "I guess I was a little hard on you..."

"Of course not Ben..." turning her head to look at me. "That was the first time I've mated during heat, and it definitely was more intense than normal... even more so than with the three males back at the bar... but that's the way it's supposed to be, and I enjoyed it Ben... I enjoyed it a lot"

Mirroring her smile, "Mmmm... I did too..."

Continuing with her massage, both of us feeling warm and cozy, I reach her flanks, quickly grooming her legs before moving onto her front. Then a distant memory coming back to me, I trail one of my hands slowly up her abdomen, purring with her as I do so. Then reaching up and gently cupping one of her breasts, I lean in and whisper "remember the first time I did this? You nearly clawed my face off..." smiling to myself.

Letting out a chuckle, mixed with a purr, she turns to me again. "We've come a long way since then Ben... I'm so glad you're with me now, as a mate..." our lips meeting in another kiss.

Finishing her grooming, getting her fur mostly under control, she returns the favor on me, running her hands softly through my fur. As she's doing this though, I notice the comfortable glow of warmth is slowly fading from me; still enjoying her presence, but becoming just a little worried.

"Marissa, this was the first time you'd ever mated during heat? How did you manage to keep from doing it all those other times?"

"When I was younger, I had people to watch over me... to keep me inside, safe and comfortable... Females will take care of their friends, if they don't want to mate at that time..."

"It was nice having you this time..." she continues. Then her expression darkening, pausing for several seconds, lost in thought, she finally adds "although, you do know what this means don't you?"

Looking at her, her expression nagging at me, I stare for a couple of moments. Then a thought flashing from the darkness, shuddering through me, I manage to stammer "you mean... you're... you're gonna have a kitten? You're pregnant?"

"I think so Ben... " her own voice shaking; the realization of this suddenly hitting me, feeling the remnants of our pleasant afterglow blown away like wisps of smoke.

"Marissa... You're... we're gonna have kids?" gripping her tighter with my hands, feeling another tremor ripple through me.

Looking at me, her eyes widening, her own mind fully awakening from its pleasant, yet disastrous slumber, she shivers slightly. "You don't want a child... do you Ben?"

"I don't know... I wasn't expecting it..." my voice sounding flat, unsure of just what to say to her.

Pausing, her eyes beginning to glisten, as I'm locked in her overwhelming gaze, she finally replies. "I didn't think it would happen like this either... I knew I'd be coming into heat... but with you as a human, I didn't think there'd be any problems..."

Feeling both of us shaking uneasily, I pull her closer, holding her against my chest. Bringing her arms around me, she hugs me desperately; this feels awkward, and I have to stifle the impulse to bolt, my mind screaming at the implications of this.

"I'm sorry Marissa... I didn't know... I wasn't thinking..." feeling quiet sobs joining Marissa's more audible ones. Holding her like this, the moments tick away, crying softly, trying to imagine having children so soon.

A couple of minutes later, sniffling and looking up at me, she answers "Ben there was nothing you could do... No male could have resisted the scent... You did well to go as long as you did..." Reaching out on impulse to stroke her hair, she continues "I wish things could have happened differently... but I'm glad it was with you..."

"But now what do we do? I don't know if I'm ready for this Marissa?"

"I'm worried Ben... but I'm at the age when most females are having their second or third kitten..." Then after a moment's silence, "we'll still need to figure out things between us... when we get out of here..."

"What?" my voice becoming incredulous and a little louder." You don't think I could just leave you and our child like that do you?"

"We said we'd decide what happens at the end of all of this when we got there... If we can get out of here and find a way to get you back to being a human, than you've got your own life back on your world... I care for you deeply... but if you decide to go... I won't try and stop you... Females do most of the work with the kittens anyway..." her eyes still glistening.

Staring back at her, by mouth gaping, a melange of confused emotions begin stewing up inside me. How could she be saying this? Expecting me to leave her like that, what kind of a person does she think I am? Anger boiling inside me, feeling the tip of the iceberg of my felenzi rage; I have to clamp down quickly on it, resisting the urge to growl loudly at her.

"I don't think I could do that Marissa..." my voice sounding a little like a snarl; she recoils just slightly at it, still holding me close. "I care too much about you to leave you... and even if I may not be ready for this... I can't walk away from my child..." Then, beginning to shake again, "besides... I don't think I can get back to being a human again... I think I'm stuck like this..." my voice heavy with emotion.

Now it's her turn to comfort me, squeezing the angst, anger and sadness from me, forcing my tremblings out of me, pouring her gentle, easing presence over me. Holding me, she whispers, "it's okay... I didn't mean it like that... Of course you can stay with me, if you want... I could never find anyone as good as you... We'll work things out..."

Sitting there, holding each other, my mind begins to clear again. She begins to softly nuzzle at the base of my neck, as I move my hand in a small petting motion across her upper back. Time stretching out, lost in my thoughts, my mind becomes clear. At first, my reactions had screamed for me to pull away from this, try to find away out, fearing the implications of what this could mean; was I ready for this? Now, things are beginning to sort themselves out.

Thinking things over, as thoughts fight for my attention, I begin to put everything into place. Like everything else, there was no planning for this, it just happened, and when and if we got things sorted out, we would deal with this. I couldn't lose her now.

After an eternity lost in thought, I bring my head down so my muzzle touches her ear; giving it a gentle lick, I whisper the words I'd thought of during this past week, but had been too scared to say. "Marissa... I don't think I could leave... I think I love you..." hearing every heartbeat pound inside my ears.

Stopping her attentions at my neck, she slowly brings her head up to look at mine, our muzzles nearly touching, our eyes locked together. Studying me for what seems like an eternity, her gaze is so expressive, wordlessly questioning, did I really mean this?

Thinking it over, every thought seeming to last forever, pondering the jumbled mess of my mind, I come to an answer. 'Yes, I think I do.' She's like no one I'd ever met, and this relationship, while strange, has been so strong and meaningful. Perhaps it's because I know I can't go back, that the choice has been made for me, but I think I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her, even with what it entails. After only knowing her for this short a time, I can't imagine living without her.

As if watching my thoughts, as they're mirrored somehow by my eyes, Marissa finally speaks. "Oh Ben... I feel that way for you too... I was just afraid of telling you... thinking you'd be gone at the end of this..." her eyes shimmering with emotion. Saying this, she melts against me, lost in our embrace.

Squeezing one another tighter, the warmth of the moment floods over me, even with everything in the background, threatening to intrude on this small oasis of peacefulness.

We hold each other for a minute or so, before things come crashing in over us. "So now what are we gonna do?" my voice a little tired and unsure.

"I don't know Ben... we've still got to get out of here..." then after a heavy pause, "any ideas about the dracmars?"

"Not really... I still don't know what they're doing... Whatever it is, they seem to need a lot of power to do it," my spine tingling at the implications of this. Pausing briefly, "I still don't know what they want us for... They haven't really hurt us yet... except for the medical exams... and they certainly had plenty of time to deal with us while we were occupied... Still they could be planning on testing whatever it is they're working on out on us when they get it finished..." another shiver shooting through me; feeling the same in Marissa.

"What could they need that much power for though? Do you think it could be a weapon? The idea of a magic weapon has been mentioned before... but nobody thought it would ever be possible..."

"I don't know Marissa," my mind reeling at the thought of them hurling huge beams of raw power at their targets. "I wouldn't be surprised though... whatever it is, they don't want us to interfere with it..."

Huddling close, we talk like this for some time, basically getting nowhere. Still confused and scared, we are no closer to coming up with any answers or solutions, or a way to fight them. With all of their power, we're helpless against them, caged like pets, or lab animals.

Later, lying on the mattress, tired and apprehensive, curled around her back, close more for security than anything else, another surge of energy flashes out towards us. Caught in the invisible torrents of power, as it floods through every fiber of my being, my senses cry out, feeling my body pushed to its limits once again.

It isn't painful, well not exactly so, more just some physical discomfort, but no real pain. Instead it's a mental strain, or actually, the internal senses involved with my newfound magic skills, are what feel the pressure, trying to contain the onslaught of raw power. Most of it streams through me, having no control over it, but even so, just the passing of that much energy stresses on my senses; my mind is simply overwhelmed for the freeze-frame of the moment it takes place.

Then as before, the power dies, the surge vanishing as quickly as it had came, leaving like a phantom, almost seeming to have never come at all. The manifestation of the surge may have been fleeting, leaving us to question its reality, were it not for the tangible effects it left behind, marked on us. Lying there, hearts beating wildly, panting swift and shallow breaths, feeling exhausted, even with all the adrenaline pumping through us, it takes several minutes to come back from this. Even so, I still feel tired, mentally worn out, a dull feeling aching numbly in my mind.

"Are you okay?" reaching up to weakly to touch her shoulder, my voice coming out with my dying pants.

"I think so..." her own reply short of breath.

Waiting a few minutes later, things coming back more or less to equilibrium, my head still aches with a dull throbbing. Moaning lightly at this, bringing my hand up to my temple, a warm and friendly trickle of energy runs through me, sighing softly as the pain dulls to below the threshold of feeling.

Marissa had done the same, and moments later, jerks up in a sitting positing, turning to look at me, her face alive with confusion and surprise. "Ben give me your hands," her voice urgent and compelling; pausing only briefly, I get up and reach my paws out to her.

Grabbing them tightly, our hands now locked together, a ripple of energy begins to flow between us. Confused, I hold on, as the flow begins to circulate between us, as if she's guiding it in a loop between our two internal sources. Watching her, her eyes aglow, the levels begin to increase, escalating as the magic flows around us.

Closing my eyes, it's as if there's an aura of energy, tangible only to the mind, swirling wildly around us, picking up momentum as the power continues to grow. Lost like this, for maybe a minute, I experience every heartbeat, feeling the powerful forces flowing between us; all my nerves tingling excitedly, my body feeling gloriously charged. The levels reaching higher and higher, my mind reels at this, yet enraptured by the wonderfulness of it all.

Then, reaching towering pinnacles, she reverses it, the mad spirals of energy slowly dying down around us, becoming only small eddies, the levels sinking back to nothingness. Opening my eyes, as she gently lets my hands drop to my lap, her face is marked with awe and pleasant surprise. Letting my breath come back to me, "Marissa... what was that?" voicing my overwhelmed confusion.

"Did you like that Ben?" smiling at me, not only as a friendly joke, but with great satisfaction. Nodding at her, she continues "it's something magic users can do... a sharing of energies... It also lets people know just how much power they possess..."

"But this was different," her voice becoming more excited. "That was stronger than I've ever gotten before... higher than either of us should have been able to go..."

"What?" my mind still feeling the pleasant effects of our merging.

"Ben... our exposure to their power levels... I think it's pushing our abilities... I think it's giving us more energy... I felt something when I was healing myself and now I'm sure of it..." Seeing my look of confused doubt, she answers, "go ahead... try something..."

Looking around the room, thinking of a decent spell to try, my eyes fall on my discarded blanket, lying over in the far corner. Feeling an impish grin cross my muzzle, I swipe my arm at it, casting a simple spell. Or what should have been a simple spell. Trying a simple fire spell, which from here should only make it smolder a little, I nearly jump when it bursts into flames.

Burning quickly, it releases a cloud of smoke, threatening to cloud the room. Panic hitting me, Marissa is quick to react, as I feel a cool blast rush past me, the flames quickly quenched, the smoke dissipating. The smell of burnt fabric invading my nostrils, I let out a sneeze, turning to look at her, feeling a little sheepish, feeling my ears droop slightly.

Smiling warmly, and letting out gentle laughter, "I didn't mean for you to get that carried away Ben..."

The pangs of embarrassment leaving me, my face changes to a mask of astonishment. "I didn't mean to do that much... I shouldn't have been able to do that... I mean I could if I tried hard enough... but it shouldn't have caught on fire that easily..."

"I know... we're both becoming stronger from this..."

Looking back at her, thoughts flickering through me, several moments tick by, lost in my wild ponderings. "Is this something permanent, or just from being exposed to these high power levels? Has anyone ever been able to do this before?"

"I don't know Ben... As far as I know, this has never even been thought of before... I have no idea what the effects really are... or how long they'll last..."

Then remembering some concerns that had plagued me earlier, "Marissa, how do you feel?"

"What do you mean? I guess I feel okay... given the circumstances..."

"I feel alright too... Nothing feels wrong... but what about what the dracmars said... about their bodies not being able to withstand all the power they were giving them?"

"That's why they've copied our bodies like that, isn't it? They said we could handle it better... but how could people as powerful as them have more trouble with increased energy than we would?"

Blinking at this, the thought never having crossed my mind, I pause. "I don't know... it doesn't make sense does it?" and it certainly doesn't leave a comforting feeling sitting with me.

Looking at her, she looks reasonably healthy, perhaps a little tired, but definitely not showing any of the signs that the dracmars, while they were still lizards, had. 'At least not yet,' this thought further unsettling me, tiny shivers dancing down my spine.

"Well, I don't know how long we can stand those flashes they keep throwing out... I doubt they can be all that healthy for us..." Seeing fear glimmering in her eyes, I'm quick to add, "but... with our powers increased like this... perhaps we can catch our friends off guard..."

Grinning at this, she answers "they might not be expecting that... if we act like we've given into to them, it might be enough to get a jump on them..."

* * *

Planning our strategy, we have an hour or so before one of the dracmars finally comes to us, bringing our meal as usual. When he enters, in the guise of the oh-so-familiar cougar, he looks at us, smiling slightly a little as he sees us sitting there on the mattress, looking back at him, watching him nervously.

"It seems you're no longer so occupied with one another..." his face showing amused interest. "It certainly was an interesting display... Although we had to be careful... We didn't realize how much your chemical signatures affected these bodies..."

"You were easy to keep an eye on that way though..." he finishes, both Marissa and I growling at this; feeling the low rumblings pour from my open mouth, eyeing him coldly. My reactions still surprise me, not the anger, since that's perfectly reasonable, but the way it feels, my mind clouded, only lightly this time, by alien impulses and hormones, flowing through my system. The growling and the unsheathing of my claws almost seems to happen automatically.

"Easy now... I've just brought you some food..."

Easing off, both Marissa and I force these feelings down, doing our best to appear docile, trying to replace the anger in our eyes with fear. Doing so, I reach my hand out slowly, gesturing for the tray which holds our familiar meal. Satisfied with our turn around, he approaches, holding the tray out for me.

Then, when he's near enough, we react, quickly, almost reflexively, the spells going off so easily. Springing into action, I flood him with energy, projecting as much force as I can muster, hurling it at him. Marissa does likewise, as I feel the wave of power flash past me; our spells both connecting with him almost simultaneously.

His face showing surprise, his ears springing up, his eyes wide, he stammers briefly. Then, almost before he can react, the tidal force of our spells crash over him, his body shaking in the wake of the flood. His muscles spasming, the tray flies from his hand, crashing on the stone floor, the meat tumbling down with a soft squishy sound.

For the briefest of moments, it actually seems as if it's working, that we actually have a chance against him. His body racked by the force of our blows, his face still marked with profound surprise, it looks like we might be able to overtake him. Then, the strength of our spells dying down, a snarl forms across his muzzle, a frightening gleam flashing into his eyes.

Regarding us with fierce determination, even as his body continues to fight against the remnants of our magic, he casts his own spell toward us. Reacting quickly, we're ready for this, and at the same time we manage to throw something more his way. As the draining field of his energy washes over us, our second wave hits him, shuddering his body again, managing to push him back a step or two, threatening to lose his balance.

This small victory doesn't offer much solace though, as his spell managed to once again sap us dry, temporarily exhausting our magic. Looking back at him, terror building within me, I feel my mind begin to cloud over again. He's crouched down, his ears pushed back, his own muzzle open in a fierce snarl.

Growling at us, he slowly approaches, as I feel the adrenaline course its way through my felenzi brains, setting my mind on fire; Marissa and I simultaneously growl once again at our captor. Taking our growls as a sign of confrontation or a threat, he prowls closer, his arms up, claws unsheathed, ready to attack. Snarling back at him, feeling my own claws come out, I prepare for the fight.

Yowling, he charges forward, and swipes at Marissa, who unfortunately is nearest to him. Even with her swift reflexes, her arms coming up, he connects with her flesh, leaving a bloody trail, diagonally along her chest. Seeing her white fur stained with the crimson of her blood, my mind screams. No, not my mate! I won't let him get away with this.

Urged on by berserk reactions, burning in my mind, I turn on him, jumping on his back, his spell not quite as effective as he'd thought. Grabbing him tightly, feeling my claws dig into the flesh beneath his cloak, I pull downward, tearing at him, leaving two jagged trails of torn fabric and bloody fur running down him.

Spinning around, hissing at me, his eyes glaring, I can't react quick enough. His claws catch me on my side, even as I try and get away, cutting into me, also hitting me with great force, knocking me onto my back. My mind numbly aware of the burning pain, I try and fight him off, but he's on me almost instantly.

Throwing his weight on me, he manages to pin me, getting the better of the situation, even though our bodies are matched. Then reflexively bringing my arms up, pushing and clawing against him, I'm dimly aware of Marissa behind us. Even wounded, she manages to spring on his back, clawing and biting, as he snarls at us, arching his back up, trying to shake her off him.

Then, a glimmer of inspiration shining out against the rage in my mind, I react, bringing my knee up, connecting squarely with his groin. Howling in pain, he shudders, going partially limp on top of me. Another thought flashing out, I manage to pull off another spell, one that I'm not too spent for. Flooding him with a calming wave, he fully collapses, his weight pressing against me, as I feel my own fatigue crash over me.

Lying there panting, him and Marissa over me, keeping me pinned, all three of us collapse, exhausted. My mind cloudy, I try and think, but everything feels so slow and sluggish, my body racked with pain, my breathing tortured, my pulse racing. A moment later, before we can react, I feel another, stronger wave of energy radiating from him, the remainder my strength pushed cruelly out of me.

Raising his head off my chest, he looks at me, regarding me curiously for a couple of seconds. Watching him, barely able to move, the rage within me replaced by abject terror, I wait for the final blow.

Holding my unsteady breath, my eyes locked on him, he surprises me by pushing upwards, tumbling Marissa off of him and getting up to a crouching position. Turning to her, rolling her onto her back, my mind reels as his paw reaches down for her bloody chest. Placing it above her breastbone, I can feel his power from here, as his healing magic floods through her, quickly knitting her torn flesh.

Blinking in amazement, I look to see her wound fully healed, the pain vanished from her face, her fur intact, albeit rather messy with her clotted blood. Turning back to me, he gently places his hand on my wounds, and a moment later, they too are taken care of. Withdrawing, he slowly gets up from his crouch, standing and taking a couple of steps back from us.

Looking up at him, confusion surely painted across my face, he finally speaks, his voice low and controlled. "You caught me off guard there... We should have realized that the increased power would have affected you too..." Pausing, he adds "don't think you can try that again though... I'll be ready from now on... You put on a good show, but you're still not strong enough..."

Then, the look of amused interest returning, "you certainly have interesting bodies... We never would have guess how much they affect your minds... That rage was so consuming... I might have killed you..."

"But why did you heal us? What do you want with us?" still in shock from the whole turn of events.

"I didn't want to hurt you... We really don't mean you any harm... We just need to keep you here until we're finished..."

Still panting, but my strength returning to me, I get up in a crouch and turn to Marissa, offering her my hand. "Are you okay?"

"I think so Ben... that was a close one though..." her own breathing labored.

Helping her to a sitting position, I wrap my arm around her, turning my attention back to him. "You've really got to stop fighting us... It's not helping anyone..."

Staring back at him, my mind still numb, he walks over to retrieve the spilled meat from the floor, placing it back on the tray. Picking it up, he hands it to me, a slight, possibly friendly smile on his face. "Here... eat the food and try to keep yourselves under control... I'll leave you alone now, if you'll stop fighting us... we can discuss the situation later..."

Watching him leave, I stifle the urge to thank him, remembering who put us in this situation in the first place, even if he did save our lives. However, just as he's walking through the portal, I do think to ask "well, since you're being so generous... how about bringing us back our clothes?" a little sick being out on display like some zoo animals for them.

His reaction surprises me, he simply smiles and nods, turning and walking through the door, the wall pouring back into place behind him. Left alone with Marissa once again, we first turn to the meal before us. As simple as it is, my stomach growls at the scent of the meat, my mind resigned to forget the source it's obtained from.

Looking at the meat, it doesn't appear too dirty, even after splatting on the floor like it did. The floor is made of polished stone, with hardly a trace of sand on it, clean enough to eat off I guess, feeling my lips purse slightly into a smile, reminded of that silly expression.

Ripping the large chunk of meat in two, we eat in silence, wolfing down the food, tearing into it with our sharp teeth. By now the taste of raw meat has become quite reasonable to me, even getting to like the texture as it slides against my tongue. Urged on by hunger, we finish quickly, our stomachs satisfied; it feels a little weird eating like this, even my hunger seems a little alien. It's not as strong an impulse as my combat rage or mating urges had been, but it's still enough to remind me of this strange new body I've found myself in.

Feeling me shiver lightly, or perhaps just reading my body language, Marissa leans closer, looking at me. "Ben, what's wrong?" her voice soft and concerned, her eyes watching me intently.

"Well, besides everything else... it just feels so strange for me to be a felenzi... I'd gotten used to every little impulse my old body would send me, but now I have to adjust to all these new reactions... I guess part of me doesn't feel human any more..."

Softly stroking my side, she answers me with a slight hint of a purr in her voice. "I know this hard for you Ben... and we don't know if we can get you out of it... but you're still the same person... no matter what you look like... You still think, and for the most part, act the same..."

"Yes... but it still feels different... Like when we were fighting back there... I couldn't control the rage... it just consumed me... or when we were mating... It was such a strong urge... it blocked out most of my thinking..."

"I think that's just part of being a felenzi Ben... You've seen me act that way before... and you know that once the heat of the moment passes I can think clearly again... It will help you fight better, if you let it... and you enjoyed mating didn't you?"

"Of course I did... it was incredible... but at the same time it was so strange losing control like that..."

Giggling slightly, and nuzzling my neck, "now you know what it was like for me... and why I enjoyed mating with you so much as a human... It's not better... just different..."

Pausing, she adds "no matter what you look like Ben... you're still the same person I chose for my mate... and you're incredibly handsome... Not that you weren't good-looking as a human though..."

Returning her nuzzle "thanks Marissa," feeling my heart swell yet again.

"We'll get through this Ben... we'll get through everything together..."

My hind-quarters feeling the effects of the cool, hard floor, I suggest we move back to the comfort of the mattress. Sitting on its softness, again huddling close together, I ponder the situation before us. What exactly is going on with the dracmars and what are they trying to do? Perhaps they really don't plan on hurting us, but I don't want to let my defenses down just yet; that could be disastrous. Even if we still can't fight them, especially since they're prepared for our increased powers, we can keep alert, and if an opportunity comes along, we need to be ready to take it.

Needing to keep the conversation alive, keeping our spirits up, I decide to keep the topic away from the dracmars for awhile, seeing as there isn't much more we can discuss without going in circles. My mind working in strange ways sometimes, a question rises up from the depths of my consciousness, a little out of place for the situation. "Marissa... with all of the consequences of it... are you upset that we mated when you were in heat?"

Looking at me, pondering the question, her deep green eyes pulling me into her gaze, she replies "I was going to have children someday... so I guess now is as good as any a place to start... Besides, I'm happy that you're the father... Even if you were to leave..." holding her fingers up as I'm about to protest. "I'd still have wanted it to turn out the way it did..."

"Mating like that was just so powerful... For my first time it was an experience I'll never forget... and I'm glad I got to share it with you... No matter what happens, at least I'll have that..."

Unable to come up with a similarly eloquent response, I simply hold her tight, losing myself in our embrace, nuzzling against her. Minutes later I reply "I still don't know how I feel about children Marissa... It's still too strange an idea right now..."

"Well, when we get out of here... we'll have some time to think about it..."

Holding her close, she's right about that, and I guess for now we really don't have to put all that much worry into it, having bigger fish to fry. This does spark another question within me through. "Marissa, if a female can't escape a male's scent... and during heat her own scent is so powerful... How can two mates possibly prevent getting her pregnant each time she comes in heat?"

"That's simple Ben... she can keep away from him, with the help of other females... Sometimes, she can have another female keep him busy, a female that's not in heat..."

That's right, they weren't strictly monogamous were they? I'd forgotten that, and the thought of experiencing other mates, even only briefly, piques my interest. It's certainly different from what I was used to; just another thing I'll have to deal with.

Looking at her, again appreciating her beauty, I realize her beautiful pelt is still marred by her dry blood. Smiling warmly, just wanting to do something nice for her, I bring my head down to her chest, licking her fur tentatively. As before, her fur feels so weird against my tongue, slightly dry, but also her subtle scent dancing on my taste buds.

Now however, the taste is lightly salty, as I lick at the blood matting down her fur. Normally, before my experiences with her, I would have balked at this, but now it seems natural, so feline, mixed in with my human thoughts. The taste of the blood is a little bitter, but not unlike that from when we'd hunted that pantouka, the flavor stirring small impulses in my felenzi brain. This feels so nice, to be cleaning her like this, as she purrs absent-mindedly, relaxing, leaning back against the wall for support.

It just feels so good to be doing this for her, grooming her this way, getting rid of those ugly stains. I hadn't even really started it as a prelude to sex, thinking more of just doing this for her, helping her feel and look better. However, licking her like this, her fur lightly glistening with my saliva, her hand absently stroking the small of my back, it's not without its erotic components.

Finishing the job, I pull away, bringing my muzzle up to hers. After a long kiss, which starts out gentle but soon finds her tongue against mine, she smiles at me. Chuckling slightly, purring as well, she asks "why Ben, would you like to mate again... so soon?"

Grinning at her, noticing my apparent arousal, I ask "would you?"

Matching my mischievous expression, she simply nods, a gleam in her eyes. Falling backwards onto the mattress, I pull her down with me, our hands finding each others bodies. This time we're slow, letting this last, enjoying it and helping to keep our minds at ease. Purring against her, I try my best to keep my hands from her nose, trying to keep the effect of my scent on her to a minimum. Enjoying the gentle passion, remarkably different from before, we lose one another in our embrace.


Copyright 1994, Will A. Sanborn - was1@shore.net